Evangelion: Literal Divine Comedy
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: The heaven force is here to save the world. But things are more...out of control. In short, it's all started when Satan and Michael crash landed Adam and Lilith on earth because of their stupid bet. ShinjiXHarem. You'd better run away, Shinji! The pairing below is, yes, intentional, but i still don't know what i'm supposed to do with Kaji.
1. Prolongued

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion and related things, including Anno's life and his depression. Also, yes, i still hate Q with all my life.

Allright, everyone. Thanks for your support in this story. Wait. I didn't get any. So fuck you, and fuck you too!

.../

Wait. That's not right.

Ehm. Where's fourth wall? I need my script!

Fourth wall?

Die NAHAGABISA!

Not again...

I'm the Fourth Wall Jr. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Wait. He died? I really killed him?

I don't know, dude. All i know that the body was never found.

*Flashback*

Remember fourth wall when i promised to kill you last?

That's right, Nahagabisa. You did!

I lied...

ULALAAAA!

*Flashback ended.*

Oh. Anyway, you want a piece of me, bastard son of the wimpy fourth wall?

Bastard?! Wimpy? How dare you... I'll swallow your soul!

All right. Come get some!

* * *

Shinji Ikari can only look at the polices, hidden away, safe from their investigating eyes. On one hand, he was glad that after the whole shenanigans that happened in the last twelve hours of his life, he finally has some time to catch on his breath and convinced himself that everything that just happened is real. On the other hand, he knew that it can only lead to more trouble.

More, more fucking troubling trouble.

As he began to freeing up his mind, he saw the blue haired girl glanced away at him with her icy red eyes, seemly pleading for his help despite the coldness on them. Or rather, those eyes tell him that he wasn't supposed to be here. Those eyes are still slightly bloodshot from those crocodile tears that falling down from her eyes, which he himself still didn't know on where the girl learns to acts like that. It didn't take long before the police shoved her into the back of the van and locked the door from the outside. As the particular pig put more locks into the car's backdoor, he took a glance on the way where the girl just stared. He found nothing particularly interesting, suspicious or in urgent need to check.

Of course, Shinji just sneaked away from the police as soon as the cuffed up girl getting shoved into the police car. If it's not urgent, he will take more time in looking at her, wondering about what she's thinking inside that cold red eyes while being mesmerized at her beauty, even though her beauty now looks less… alluring due to that one fact that he just learned. But there's one thing Shinji is sure about:

Yes. Rei Ayanami, the first child, has been arrested by the police.

The 14 years old boy began to increase his pace after he makes it sure that the police can't hear his footstep anymore, and finally returned to the place where the girl told him to stay, where he kindly disobey. The pace was quiet abnormal, definitely faster than what he can do. He then began to assembling the recent events in the last twelve hours of his life, where happiness, adrenaline, sympathy and insanity all rolled into one big screwball like that Katamari Damacy game. Damn those crazy japanese, said Shinji's prideful side that just recently got stronger and, well, prideful. But then he realized a big lack of logic and one or two hypocrisy in his previous thought. He then stared at his grocery, again thinking about the trouble he just got himself into.

Of course, if your grocery consisted of a rocket launcher, a portable minigun with it's portable mount, two sawed-off shotgun, four automatic shotgun, twenty grenades, and several variations of assault rifle, and all of them were stolen from a secret door in an army store, then you get into a big, big trouble. And if the owner of the shop somehow hunted them down, everything will become even more screwed for all of it.

Fuck, man. I can't run away with all this shit going on. Said Shinji.

Shinji then trying to point a culprit for his troubles today, no matter how nonsensical they sounds. He first began to blamed everything on his lovely father, Gendo Ikari, the unofficially crowned king of I-don't-give-a-fuck parent award of the year straight 10 times, and would've won it at least 12 times straight has someone named Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu didn't won it at 2005. To add the insult, she also won the most idiotic parent of the year for mistaken his daughter with a doll, which many founds to be tasteless due to her being legitly insane, and they still find it distasteful, not that there's something wrong about that. So anyway, Shinji knows now that if his father is not a wimpy, antisocial nerd who can't let go his first and only love and covered it by acting aloof and badass to everyone around him and currently trying to ended the world just to take her soul back from his EVA with ultra complicated plan that only had a chance of 2.5% to work, then everything wouldn't happen in the first place. The line of wimp nerd was Shinji's imagination about how he wants his father to acts after all of emotional abuse he endured from him, but now he knows that imagination's not very far from the truth. He then blamed it on Yui Ikari, his own mother, who's either an angelic like figure who sacrificed her life for the world for vaguest reason that he still can't figure it out, or a mad woman who manipulated everyone around him so she can transcend into God hood or something like that. Considering the fact that now Yui is a giant angel-like cyborg monster that actually somewhat human being and coated by armors and cybernetic weapon to make her passed as a giant robot, but somehow a new armor also meant upgrade (my brain hurts…) who viciously ate an angel after it's death, thereby making her a cannibal and scavenger at the same time, double the extreme taboo (maybe she humped the corpse, too? It's not clear with the animation.), just to get an S2 organ which made everyone talking about EVA-001's transcends into God hood (So...the angels are God themselves, since they're as strong and big as the EVAs while also have the S2 organ? Man, I'm confused), her being insane theory's case is getting stronger and stronger. He then began to pick another culprit, and again and again, until he got into a conclusion:

Pen-pen. YEAH! It must be PEN-PEN!

"The darned penguin. It, no, **HE** has manipulated everything from the beginning! I don't know how, but he definitely the man to blame in everything that happened from Second Impact to today and the days beyond of today! It's definitely logical! Just look at this store. The windows looks the same like our apartment. He must has arranged it since the beginning. HA! I'm sure that he has arranged our whole life so me, dad, Asuka, Rei, and even Misato has super serious issues that only got worse with time and all those horrible..things happen. But now I know his plan to rule the world, I will stop him no matter the cost, and I will triumph in the end! I'll show him! I'LL SHOW HIM! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shinji then began to stop his trainwreck of thought, knowing that he has gone too far to amuse himself. Damn, he can't become legitly insane again. He then began to think about two people that have the most evidence to be blamed for everything, but he can't. They're hardly can be called a culprit. In fact, they're the prophets who showed him that the world is still a beautiful place to live.

They're Rei Ayanami, and Ryoji Kaji.

"Rei..Kaji...thank you."

* * *

Five years ago.

Ryoji Kaji, thirty years old. Japanese James Bond. Tall, cold, handsome.A notorious ladies man. A much less notorious double agent of NERV and SEELE. The casanova's really the Japanese man of mystery

Also, even much less notoriously, he's the owner of the only soul who remember the previous time loop of the world.

Out of all possibility for the time loop theory, and the possibility for the recepient of the lucky soul who retain their previous memory, it was Kaji who retained his previous loop memory. Yes. Out of all the more likely possibility of the souls who retained their memories from previous frametime, like Rei and Kaworu, it was the fricking. that has the privilege of retained his past memories. No, he didn't retain his memory because of his guilt, since by that logic, even Pen-Pen will retain his memories, with him being the last survivor of the whole Penguin race and all (God damn. I'm still waiting for someone to help me build a theory where Shinji and Asuka will become the pet of the Angels in the end due to their fate being similar with Pen-Pen, last survivor and all. But then again, we need a female penguin to make this theory work. Damn you Anno and your subtle hints!). No, he didn't retain his memory because of his knowledge about Adam and Lilith. No, he didn't survive because all girls in the LCL wants a piece of his D. His memory survived because in the last days of the earth, just before the revelation of Kaworu Nagisa as the 17th angel, God decided to be a dick. He revived Kaji to become the new messiah of the world, and his first order is to stop Kaworu from reaching Lilith.

Except he forgot that someone's death is equal with the burial of the body or the scattering of the cremated body.

The last days of the earth for Kaji have him spends his last time either knocking his coffin hopelessly to get help before the illusion of naked Misato pleased him and turned him into splash of Tang, or immediately got crushed or drowned by the water pressure in the sea where his cremated body scattered. Damn. It sucks to be him.

Luckily, God 's maybe an absent minded divine fella who didn't immediately learns from his mistakes, but he's not stupid. After fifty loops or so, God decided that Kaji needs more help than a simple revival and declaration of messiah status. He definitely needs more. So he made Kaji into an archeologist, discovers The Lost Ark of Covenant and somehow saved Hitler from melting his face and mustache the premonitions of Gendo Ikari and SEELE's plans that one of his angel planted, declared him the messiah of the earth, and gave him a scattered pieces of his memories, as well as some knowledge about what happens after his death to convinced him that he is not going mad after all. Can't risk the fella went mad after the whole revelation thingy after all.

"Damn. Fifty loops already? Why it took that old man so long to realized his faults in reviving me? Why there's no one single angel out there trying to at least gave him the note of me being obviously unable to do my job as the prophet, being buried or crushed by the water pressure and all? Wait. That Godzilla thing is only an imagination, isn't it? Anyway, why's that old man suddenly turned into Jack Nicholson and screamed 'YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!' when I asked about what's actually going on around here? It can't be just the angels want their planet back, ain't it? Wait. Come to think about it, his angels looks much more…pleasant and ordinary. Aside from those creepy fellas that have eyes on their wings and rims. What are those angels we fought actually? And why's my only holy power is to give the seed of personality and pill of clearance for mind? Damn you old ass God and your punny powers. Give me something good, you sucker!"

As soon as the lightning bolt strikes Kaji and crisped his whole body, he immediately bowed on the ground for ninety nine times before he ran away to his apartment and cried himself to sleep.

So, what's the cause of this whole shenanigans in the first place? Let's take a look on flashback #1…

* * *

In heaven, on it's 9th sphere. 4.6 Billion Years ago.

The place is a heaven…literally. But still, it lives up to it's name. The architecture is a beauty that can't be described with words, with ocassional cool breeze filled the whole room to make the already soothing and peaceful palace even more comfortable that already is. The tiles are filled with ruby and sapphire, carefully placed to resemble peacock and other birds that are known for the beauty of their feathers. There's a garden in the palace, with roses and tulips that have been carefully arranged to resemble a very beautiful flower if you take a gaze from the upper floor. There are also other features that added the aesthetic of the place, such as a pair of fountaine with water that have the delicate look of the milk in those tv commercial (why commercial foods always looks better than the real product?), and road that plays a soothing melody when someone walks on it.

There is an angel in that palace, holding what can be described as a black moon. He carefully placed the moon into the space, and backing away from it with a grace that cannot be found on any human being. Based on the number of his wings (exactly three pairs), and a badge 'Commander' on his left chest, he must be the famous Archangel Michael. Alongside Gabriel, Michael's the special kind of Archangel, meant to serve the God himself on the highest kind of task.

After he backs away, he pulls something from his dimensional pocket, reaching for something vaguely looks like a remote control. (Un)known to him, there is another angel sneaking behind him. He has the same pair of wings like the Archangel, but his wings are made of fire. It's clear that he was a Seraphim, another high class angel. He also carrying a seed of life, but the color of his seed is white instead of black. At times, the angel flickers between his normal, angelic side

Both angel staring at each others intensely, with a clear taste of distrust against each others. Based on this alone, as well as his flicking body that alternates between holy and unholy apparition, it's clear that it's a showdown time between Michael and Lucifer, before his fall into his status as lord of darkness….Satan.

And yes, I know that I used present tenses to describe these two and the situation around them.

Knew that something needs to be done around here, Lucifer grasped his hand. Ah, it seems that angelic beings are still use their good ol' fist to solve their problem. And it seems that Michael also had the same thought in his mind.

It's gonna be epic…

"Hey, hey, hey, Mike, what's goin down?!"Lucifer greeted Michael and offered a fist bump.  
"Wassup, L-dawg? What are you doin here?"Michael replied, fist bumped him and asked back.

Ah, yes. It seems that the highest angels of heaven are somehow responsible for and influenced the ghetto lifestyle in America. We shall reevaluate our view toward the so-called lowlife from now on, ladies and gentleman.

"I heard that the old man, um, our Lord ordered you to give this little planet you called…well it doesn't matter. What matters is, you were ordered to give a lucky planet a life and all, using this thing called seed of life, right?"

"Damn right, Luce. I see that you carying the seed of life, too. And also, I think you haven't answered my question."

"Well, I also got this similar order from him. Well, not exactly same. He asked me to throw away this collection of his failed beast experiments plus one failed human to the earth, using the seed of life, too. Well, the black one, anyway."

"Oh, I see. Hey. Wasn't that thing's actually the…human thing that he's currently developing?"Michael asked.

"Yeah. It was a failed human, although."

"What's wrong with it? I thought it was quiet a looker already."

"The thing cannot bred without the help of this creature."Lucifer pointed at a creature that looks like a white humanoid.

"Well, that sucks. So about your seed. Wasn't that black seed of life's the one that was used to sucked the life of all creatures with soul when it's activated?"

"Yeah. I think he wants these animals to stay away from all the other creations. Can't let them evolved too much."

"Well, so much for being an Archangel and Seraphim, right? We already got this high in our social position, and he still give us this kind of crap to work with."

"You know, I wonder if God 's really respected you and Gabriel with your rank being the same with the second lowest angels. You two are special kind of arch, but still.."

"I know, right? Man, what an uncreative asshole."

A lightning suddenly strike Michael down, obviously a retribution for his potty mouth and not for his insult at all. Knows that talking more about this resulting in more crap being thrown at them, Lucifer decided to immediately get to the point.

"Um, hey, Mike, I have an idea. Let's play a game while doing our job at the same time!"

"…What did you say?"Asks Michael, who still yet revived completely from the divine retribution. He then remembered about that note where he wrote the list of things he shouldn't do.

"Well, we're going to have a race to the milky way with our seed of life. The first one to reach it by the seed of life, win."

"Oh, a race! Sounds good to me. But give me a time to bring myself up, will you? I'm still…shocked from it."

"Yeah, yeah. You won't win, anyway."

"Bitch, said that again?!"

"You will never win against me!"

"Should I remind you when I kicked your ass in wing boxing tournament?"

"Um, I means in racing!"

"I never even do this racing thing with you!"

"Bah! Excuses!"  
"Excuses? I'm just went straight to the truth, man!"

Later that day, after five minutes of more bickering, thirty minutes of recovering from the judgment for potty mouth, and hours of racing….

"Dammit, Luce! Stop hitting my seed!"

"Hey! We never set the rule to begin with! And beside, we don't use a bet at all, so nothing to lose, right?"

"Well, yeah, you right, but still-"

Lucifer's seed of life struck Michael's seed of life again and knocking it out of course, followed by a scowl from Michael's face. After that, Lucifer's seed accelerated, leaving no time for Michael to catching up.

"Woohoo! I win! I win I win! Take that, Mike! I knew that you can't beat me, sucker!"

"Bite me… sucker."

"Okay, then, if that's your best insult. I won't hear any excuses from you for why you lose this match. Now all of that settled down, let's take this ride down to the earth."

The whole thing become quiet for a while, but for a different reason. Lucifer is satisfied and happy with his win over the archangel, while Michael is occupied with his controller.

He knows that something's not right. Now, he's convinced that indeed, something's not right.

"Um, Luce."

"Yeah?"

"The controller is broken."

"What?"

"THE CONTROLLER IS BROKEN, DAMMIT!"

"Damnit, Mike! How many time I told you to not yelling at my- hell, anyone ear? Your squeeling can make a demon commit suicide!"

"Sorry, man."

"It's okay, bro."It took several seconds before Lucifer realized what Michael just said. "Wait, what? The controller for your seed of life is broken?"

"Yeah!"Michael also realized the grave of his situations, and somehow facepalmed himself at how easy he threw an apology and forgotten the true issue. "I've told you that you can't just ram my seed carelessly like that! Man! The receiver spear must be broken! Fuck you, Idiot! Mental moron! Idiotic Angelic reject! Seditious slabs of unsalubrious fiery! You…You…"

When god about to unleash another punishment to his very potty mouthy commander, he somehow sensed that the whole thing's very justified, urged him to give his archangel a pass this time.

"YOU!"

"Look, I'm sorry, man! I'm sorry!"Lucifer pledging for Michael to held his anger for a while, and finally managed to do so…at least for five seconds. And then, his seed finally landed on the earth as expected.

"Look! My seed just landed!"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, Seraph?"

"Well, at least we can say my seed landed safely here. Now that my job's done, we need to get to the seed quickly. Quick! We have to physically control your seed to make it land on the place you have targetted."Said Lucifer, with the real intention of running away from Michael as fast as possible.

"Hmm. Come to think about it, my seed has been programmed to activated it's automatic pilot in case that something like this happened. It's gonna land in the closest planet that's suitable for it's purpose."

"Well, I'm glad that everything's going to be fine anyway. By the way, what's the new destination for your seed?"

"Hmm… let's see…"

They started to look at it's trajectory, and they didn't need much time to realized that it went to the earth.

"….Shit."

* * *

Continuation of the flashback #1

"So, you said that you played a racing game with your seed against Michael's, and you accidentally broke the receiver spear, and both seed landed on the earth?"

"Yes, my lord."Said Lucifer.

"And what happens to the black seed?"

"It's dormant for now, my lord. But we can't pulled it from the earth without accidentally activated it."

"…Huh, you always make some trouble around here, Luce."Said the old God , sitting on his throne while facepalming on the antics of his servant.

"I'm sorry, my lord. I give you my purest apology for it."

"Well, I know that both Michael and You are naughty since you were still boys, especially you, but you two can take responsibility and all. No, don't worry, I won't hit your butt with a thousand bolts of lightning."Said the wise lord who saw Lucifer took a stance, ready to run away.

"I want you, to take an important role in our new religion for the new life form that we called humanity. The thing that accidentally landed on earth with your seed."Continued the lord.

"I'll take my punishment, my lord. What kind of role it is?"

"The prince of darkness, king of hell itself, the fallen angel. Alias Satan. It suited your alternative… cosmetic well."God talks about Lucifer's so called 'Fallen Angel Side', which's actually a unique genetic condition that only appears on him and several other angels.

"Wow, so I get to become the cool villain? With tragic backstory and all? It's the best punishment you ever give, my lord! Hell, it might be called a gift from you, instead!"

The God 's smiling. He knows that Lucifer will be happy with his punishment after all.

Now, it's the time for the bad news, Luce. I'm sorry.

"Well, since we need to make it as real as possible, so humanity will totally believe in my existance, you need to immerse yourself into the hell itself every morning."

"…What? You means that I need to method acting and become a literal satan?"

"Yes, my good lucifer."

Lucifer's expression of happiness is changed with fear and disgust.

"Well, let's see the schedule I just made for you. Monday, you go to the circle of Lust. Tuesday, you go to the circle of Gluttony. Wednesday, you go to the Greed. Thursday, you go to the Anger. Friday, you go to the Heresy. Saturday, you go to Violence. And Sunday, you go to Fraud. And since your role supposedly caused by you betrayed me and laughing at humanity, you will spend your every night in Treachery. You can still sleep in your older place, though. You got it?"

"Yes, my lord."

Deep down on his heart, he said:

"…Shit."

A divine retribution strike Lucifer, just like what happened to Michael earlier.

"What did I tell you about potty mouth, Luce?"

"Fuck you."

Five more bolts strike him on every limb. And they're bigger than the last one. At least three times bigger and more painful.

"Again?"

"No, my lord."  
"Good."

"Anything else, my lord?"Asks Lucifer, five minutes after the thunders strike him down, hiding his grin that wasn't made out of happiness, but rather for being pissed off as hell.  
"Well, tell Michael that his punishment is to move the failed beasts from earth. He can picks some help from one angel or two. Oh, and in case he picked Gabriel, tell him to move some of his stories there. We need to give these man some entertainment!"  
"Okay, my lord."

"You're dismissed now."Said the wise lord.

Lucifer just made three steps. Three steps that definitely took too much time for healthy man, but rational for a guy who just got struck by six lightning bolts. God 's lightning bolts, nontheless. Not that crap imitation from the clouds. He managed to make it to the door, before he got into some idea again. This time, it's to give him some free time out of the hell. He then turned back to look at the mighty lord again.

"Oh, my lord. Wait. I think we can make it even more interesting if we make some bets."

"You forgotten already that I don't like gambling, Lucifer?"God wants to say 'not this shit again', but he's kinda bored now. Being a God being without any follower outside of his servants must be sucks. Beside, he found that the events he already set for lacking in...symbolism.

"Well, it's not like we can't fix it if something terrible happened, right? Especially when we set our bet good enough to be harmless."

"What do you mean?"

"Just loop it after the most horrible thing happened. And then we can start the bet again…and again."Said Lucifer, smilling after he explained it to his lord.

"Fine. What is the…bet?"

* * *

Another continuation of the flashback #1

"What's wrong, Gabriel?"Said Michael.

"Well…"  
"What?"

"The old man. He told us to give some of our stories to this world, right?"Said Gabriel, the other special archangel. The angel who carried the message of the God , and also the leader of the Librarian in heaven. Also the main writer of religious literatures, and several acclaimed folklores that were found by humans all over the world in a separate time, such as Beowulf and King Arthur.

He's also the not-so-proud writer of those book that covered those raunchy…subjects, most of them were cringe inducing , which he 'kindly' shares with his fellow angel beings and even God himself in case he's bored of being the introverted one in the team. Beware the quiet ones, indeed.  
"Yeah, right. What's the problem?"

"These scrolls."

"Ah, yes. I still remember the color of the scroll. This is the scroll that tell the story about the so-called real purpose of the Seed of Life, several impacts and telling about the First Ancestral Race, if I recall correctly?"

"Yeah, that one."

"Good story, I think, although by the end, I got confused as hell. And I don't think that it's suited our philosophy. It's too…banal. Even worse than your raunchy literature. Why you never try to improve your writing on these subjects, anyway?"

"Because we're angelic beings that's supposed to be pure, so writing about these subjects are…exhausting. And violated the mind of us sooner. I only managed to do it because of my side personality."

"Then why you keep writing those crap?"

"Because I enjoyed the look on our angelic beings's faces when they heard my writing on those subjects. Especially yours."

"….Whatever. What is the problem, anyway?"

"Well…"

Gabriel whispered the whole thing to Michael.

"HE DID WHAT?"

"In case that the human found the scrolls, and somehow believe the whole story in the scroll, the whole thing that's written on the story will happen accordingly. Didn't I make it clear?"

"Oh, lord. I know about what you implied, dummy, I'm not deaf, but why? Why he wants to do it? The events that he had set were already perfect for our purpose."

"It appears that he struck a deal, or rather, a bet with Lucifer."

"Oh, man, that Lucifer guy who just got promoted into Hell's chief. I bet it's all for more free time outside of hell, right?"

"Yeah. He doesn't want to skip his early hours in heaven cabaret for eternity."

"Fine. I know he doesn't want to miss Angie. Unless she got rescheduled into later night. And in case, that stupid third impact thingy you write about, when everyone got turned into orange juice-"

"LCL."

"Whatever. What's LCL stand for, anyway?"

"Dunno. I forget."

"…What kind of author that forget some important facts in his stories?"

"An author that have 2 billion fans that lunging for his stories?"

"Yeah, Yeah."Said Michael. The Gabriel fella is seems to be a very good author, after all. And damn right, he is. Although his high standard make him shivered in fear when he merely saw a very big plot hole. Can't forget the first draft of Harry Mortred, after all.

"Then, humanity just become that?"Michael continued his talk. "One entity of living LCL or orange juice where they live in illusions that made them think they found the ultimate happiness?"Gabriel nodded his head. "Sick world, man. And what did Lucifer get from it outside of free time, anyway?"

"Well, it appears that God will just loop back the time into when Second Impact happened, as well as made one of them into the messiah. The weaker one, that is. And on the 99th loops, Lucifer, or Satan, will become the Vice-God , and God will give up on raising humanity on the earth after this."

"…Shit. I want that position."Michael couldn't care less about the earth that time. They have the technology. They can rebuild it after all.

"Who doesn't?"

"And…what happens when it was God who won the bet?"

"Lucifer will be struck with one thousands lightning bolt on his ass. For one hundred times. Per one century."

"… That sounds painful."

"Of course."

Michael then shifted his mind about the whole Vice-God thing, definitely not wanting to lose the prospect all over a stupid bet. The thought of God shoved all those bolts on Lucifer's ass is also a very …amusing one. He then got the idea about what he needs to do.

"Wait. The scrolls! We can hide these things! We can make sure that humans will never find about it. No rule is written about this bet, right?"Said Michael. He has two reasons to do it. One, to secure his position. Two, because he's scarred at the possibility of insanity around it.

"It appear so. Although a certain man will scream of being rigged if we do it too obvious."

"Fine, we'll just throw these scrolls into that sea. I mean, I know human are smart, curious, creative and determined, but they won't be able to reach a place this deep, right?"

"It appear so. Their physical form is lacking. Lots of animals are stronger than them. But what if they have the technology?"

"Don't be ridiculous! I know humans are meant to be the ultimate problem-solver, but they can't build something that strong, right? I mean, what chance are for humans to get into space, anyway?"

"Very small, that is. But it still exist. Even if it takes thousand years."

"I know, right? And by the way, what are those supposed angels who attack the earth to get into the so-called Adam and Lilith actually? God can't send us to destroys the whole earth just for the sake of being as real as possible, right?"

"Oh, the angels. They're the failed beasts."

"…That's why these two were supposed to be left on earth, right?"

"Right."

"…Shit."

After five minutes of silence, Michael finally moved away from his position to do his final job on earth, where he needs to put the first creature or we know as 'Adam' into Antarctica. In his journey, he mumbled about his needs to get a drink, preferably something that's not related to oranges. Hell, anything but oranges. Meanwhile, Gabriel was still digging the hole to bury the second creature, or we know as 'Lilith'. Halfway in his job, he took a break to have a glance on the scroll that has the premonition about the importancy of the characters around the story, which God and Lucifer decided to not put it on the earth for 'balance' sake. But still, the scroll is canon, so anything written on it, will make an…impact on the whole shenanigans.

"…Why he asked me to make the hero a spineless wimp? Oh, well. It's His order."

Again. For balance sake. Although, there's still no reason at all to place all the characters and problems in Japan.

* * *

Yet Another continuation of the flashback #1

Michael has a note to make a note of everything he learns, whether from his fellow angel or God . The last page is reserved for things he personally forbid to do anymore.

First point to remember: Never trash talk with God . He will sends a thousand bolts to your ass if you somehow win (he didn't know that Gabriel and Lucifer already made God pissed before this traumatic event by their shenanigans of reading a prototype to Fifty Shades of whipping ass. But it's still a good point to note).

Second point to remember: Never use profanities or insult around the heaven, especially against the mighty lord…unless you want some kinky electro torture. Damn, it feels good when you want to let off some steam.

Third point to remember: If Gabriel's about to read a book for you, run away.

Just three points. Very important point. Especially the third one. But he got involved into the world of humanity. He wondered on how such low, weak creature that can easily get killed by 100kg rock can be called as the leader of the world. But as he saw the civilization that they build, gone away his doubts.

But the shenanigans of humanity made him lowered his standard of important point to avoid so much that he began to write a new point in his book. He didn't know if it's the stupidity of medieval era pierced his brain, or it's the devotion toward Adolf Hitler that caused it, or the earth's simply much more chaotic compared to the peaceful heaven. The only thing that he can agreed to himself, is that it was an…ugly sight. Such an ugly sight, that he wrote it in his book after he left it for five millenia.

Fourth point to remember: Never underestimate Human's ability.

"…Shit."Michael said, as he saw the human got their hand into the dead sea scrolls, which finally convinced him to wrote the third point.

"But hey, everything can't be this bad, right?"Michael speak to himself. "I mean, if these human are really smarter than I thought, then they can't trust this thing about become a physical God and blablabla and all other thing, right?"

Too bad that Michael forgot about something called World War and Dictatorship.

As soon as Gabriel and Raphael talks about SEELE and their instrumentality project, and saw by his own eyes the stupidity of Gendo Ikari that wants to use the instrumentality to bring his wife back (she's hot, but still…), Michael made another point in his note.

Fifth point to remember: Never overestimate Human about their greed, self importancy and sex drive. ESPECIALLY SEX.

* * *

Fucking Another continuation of the flashback #1

"What's wrong, Gabriel?"

"The horror…the horror…"

"Gabriel, shake it off!"

Gabriel gave the paper to Michael, who give a confussed look before he took the paper.

"Oh. Another story. Just a summary, eh? But fine. Let's see what kind of thing that made you this shocked."

He read it, while Gabriel trying to calm himself down.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?"

"The horror…the horror."

"Man, I know that the stupidity of human make even our lord lost some of his brain cells, but don't make it a moot point and forced you to make a continuation of the dead sea scroll that this emo, man! Why did you make the continuation in the first place, anyway?"

"Don't you realized it, my man Mike? It's not a sequel to the dead sea scroll. It's a summary of everything that happens on earth since Second Impact!"

"Wait, what? I thought that you put Gendo and SEELE in here for a mockery of the stupidity behind their fake coolness!"

"No, Mike. It's all real. Wait. You didn't follow anything after the second impact, didn't you?"

"No, I don't want to get involved and engaged in the whole story. I knew some crappy things's going to happen."

Michael didn't say anything again, although he wants to say his own personal choice of a curse word. So, he read the story again to get something interesting from it. Or making sense of it.

As he suspected. The whole thing didn't make sense at all.

"So, Gabe… the whole thing about the stupid kid who keep going emo even though he lives with two cute chicks and knows at least three other hot chicks and piloting a giant robot is real too? And why did you call this cute albino girl as inhuman?"Said the archangel, pointed out the least offensive thing he saw from the story.

"Well, yeah, on surface, he looks lucky, but they have their mind and sanity shattered by horrible things that happened around them, and he can't use it to his own gain at all. You can't quickly recover from your mother become insane and thinks that a doll is her real daughter and then hanged herself with her supposed daughter, right? And the albino girl is indeed barely qualified as human. In fact, I think her only purpose to live is to barely stay alive and piloting the EVA before her real role happen, and it's kinda justified since she was made from the mixed genes of the second beast and a human."The fellow angel avoid to hinting at the Oedipus complex, knowing that an argument from it will raised from the lowest hell to the highest heaven if such information leaked out.

Too bad that he forgot about the existance of another exact script, held by Lucifer, who currently making an 'official explanation' for the story.

"Well, I think that kinda make sense. Now, wait a minute. It still didn't make sense. How in the hell is the whole casts have psychological problem and none of them at least try to go to the psychiatrist?"

"I know, man. A logic hole in the real world that big from the mere relationship of twenty human beings?The horror. The horror…."

Michael leaved his best friend on his bed, still cringing himself to sleep, and he remembers about the crappy stories that he rejected bluntly from the lesser angels, claimed that some standard needs to be maintained in the library, especially since some of them will become a story in a new world. Can't make the heaven a laughing stock, after all. He also remembers that stupid creature named Platypus that God made as a prank for Australia. If he gave it to, say, Europe instead, it might make the impact he expected (the whole world temporarily worshipped the Platypus before his jolt of lightning realized the fault of their mind), with all the insanity going on in Australia made it a rather harmless joke in comparison. So, he realized that even God make mistake. He then made the Sixth point to himself.

Sixth point to remember: Don't get too harsh on your fellow writers. Even real world can barely make some sense sometime.

But hey, at least that kid will grow a backbone and stop everything, right?

* * *

As the whole humanity became LCL or orange juice or Tang or whatever that is, Michael still trying to process the whole thing in his mind. He knew that since this's God 's creation, it would have a lot of symbolism. But he still thought that it's too excessive, and he knew that some of his fellow angels and prophets also cringed on the whole gore that happens when the MP EVA eats the remain of EVA-02 just like him, although some of his fellow laughing instead since they found the gore to be unnecessarily excessive. He also found out that God is interested in that post-modernism crap when he saw the scene of the angels watching the whole thing in a theatre. He thought to himself that if he made it into a story and dropped it into a real, normal world, the story will become an instant success, but it will make some morons overanalyzed it and also got rejected by those who can't understand the story at all. And he hates those kind of broken fan base. It always make a stuff for flame war and chaos all around the world. He hates chaos. And the whole thing he saw with the fellow angels, is pure chaos.

Ah, fuck. I'm gonna spend my goodness currency to buy the official explanation again so this shit will finally make some sense, said the pissed off angel.

Wait. Why do I feel that the official explanation is not made by our lord himself?

Somewhere, Lucifer was counting the profit that he'll got this month. Suddenly, he shivered.

But if you asked him about the most infuriating thing in the whole story, it's the damn emo kid.

He keeps expecting the guy to realize the grave of his situation, and at least fighting back. But no, he keeps angsting about his misfortune, and he destroyed the humanity and the other life forms (including the platypus. Thousands of jokes died that day, turned into nothing but orange juice.) by gave away his giant robot's essence, or some shit to that abomination made of the amalgamation of the albino chick and dude that got scaled a hundred times, all because every of his scarcest hope blown up on his face by something horrible that conveniently happen when he just about to find happiness in the very recent memory. Wait, I might become emo too if that thing keep happening to me, but then again, the probability of it happened 50 times in less than three months is very low, said the angel.

The angel take a look again on the Kaworu-Rei conjoined abomination. Meh. Still less scary than those angels who got eyes on all his wings. Damn, I forgot their name already. From the trauma, I guess, said the angel.

Back to the topic, the angel finally make some notice from the kid.

"This guy is not just emo", said Michael while ignoring the creepy (formerly) conjoined angel hybrid who now has the remaining head's neck split, spraying the moon with the velocity of its blood. He couldn't care less about the lacks of physics behind the blood spray. He's not the guy who study about that crap, after all."He also very selfish and stupid. That Touji guy would survive if he just, you know, incapacitate the EVA in the first place. But no. Thousand people are going to die if I didn't stop him, but I can't risk of hurting him, even though I never ripped my own arm when my EVA did. Oh, I'm so misunderstoooood. Fuck him. But then again, the kid is stupid to begin with. Wait. I remember. He wouldn't went to destroy the NERV building in the first place if at least one of those bridge bunnies sided with him. Why they all still sided with that creep Gendo with the atrocities that he caused? I know the situation is dire, but he could still, you know, ordered to disconnect the synch between Shinji and EVA-01 so he wouldn't feel the whole crushing human being thing. I know that he's a horrible human being, and it's all in his master plan, but couldn't at least one of the bridge bunnies realized that Gendo's a heartless bastard?"

Michael took a deep breath for a while to calmed himself down, before he resumed the rant of his mind.

"Well, I'm going to give the credit to where it due. The kid isn't stupid because of his crappy pathos. He's stupid because his whole friends and acquaintances are stupid, amoral fucks. I mean, look at Ritsuko. What's the purpose of showed Shinji the truth behind Rei and the dummy plug outside of estranged them? Just another unnecessary thing happen to scarred his psyche. Hell, she's a scientist, she's supposed to be smarter than most, even compared to Misato, and somehow she keeps getting attracted by that creep and making those stupid decisions, and she didn't learn from his mother. Wait. Wait a minute. Old creep loves a creep, and the latter creep used the former creep for his own gain. And then the offspring of the former creep loves the still living creep, which sounds something like that…Oedipus thing? Holy shit. It's stupid and disgusting. Even Gabriel wouldn't go that far. Man, I need to put more emphasis on my fifth point."

Michael stopped for a second, looking for the mysterious banging sound around him. It was Gabriel. Banging his head on the door. With fifty angels telling him to snap out of it.

"Wow. Even he couldn't stomach it."Said Michael, smirked on the sight of someone who loves to wrote vile things finally tasted his own medicine. If only he knew that the real reason of Gabriel banging his head is because of the stupid dot that was sitting on the front of number 10, which is coincidentally the number that has been accepted by God and Lucifer as the chance rate of Shinji will be born as a badass, then Michael will have already wrote his seventh point of the importance of spell-checking.

"Shit. Now earth's stuck with a wimp hero until the ninety ninth loops has passed."

"What kind of heroic story it is, anyway? Where's the idealistic guy? Oh wait, that 'angel' Kaworu Najisna or whatever that is. Yes, he got killed soon after his debut. What a twist from such kind of humanizing story. Way to go to preach happiness, my lord.", said the archangel sarcastically in his own mind before a small lightning bolt reminded him that someone's watching over the world. When Shinji decided that he wants to live, he said 'finally, kid. You managed to make your own damn choice.' However, when the kid tries to strangle his survived friend, and sobbing after he failed to do it, the archangel biten his own hand, can't believe at his inability to learns something or accepted his fault. When Asuka said 'How disgusting', the angel said ' You can say that again, honey.'

After that, God rewinded the whole events back to several years before the second impact happened. Some guys sighed at the seemingly unfinished work, while some guys sighed that it's finally over. Fifty-fifty is their composition.

Oh, yeah. Heavens and Hells will break loose with audience respons that this broken. The nine rings of hell itself is already sighing from the chaos caused by the arguing of the meaning of all of this…not that everyone can make sense of it, anyway.

"So, um, my lord…"someone suddenly raised his hand, wants to asks about something.

"Yes, Gabriel?"

"What would happens, in case that you continued the story?"

"Well, there will be some more helping hand that rises from the LCL, maybe five, maybe seven…"

"…You do love those symbolism and those numbers, aren't you?"Asked another angel.

"Yeah, although I know that I was kinda overboard with it. So anyway, they were going to build the world into a suitable place to live again, and as they rebuild the world, some people are going to arise from the orange-, um, LCL, too, as the world around them become more habitable. Finally, it's going to become a happy ending after all."

"…You do realize that there's no natural resources left aside from sand and that LCL crap, right?"Asked another angel, again.

"Well, yeah, that's why I didn't continue the story. If I continued it, the plot hole will become even bigger! I need to somehow helped them directly after years of being unengaged in their problems, Michael or Gabriel or even Satan or whatever angel I sent will have to save some of those guys in case they become depressed again, I need to make trees appear everywhere since the trees become LCL too so they can breath, I need to summon those chickens and cows and suddenly grow those wheat and rice and made a fresh spring so they can eat and drink,and I need to explain why Michael and friends's a benevolent angel while his other 'brothers' are all murderous raging beasts! It's already confusing as hell without all those things!"

"… Okay, then."Gabriel seems satisfied. His lord is still reasonable, after all. He knows that the whole thing's ridiculous.

The other angels finally glad that their lord is still a happy fella after wrote such cynical work of art, after all.

"So, my lord.."

"Yes, Michael?"

"Who's going to become the Messiah in the next loop?"

"Oh, yeah! The Messiah! I think Lucifer already covered it for me. Luce?"

"Yes, my lord. My fellow angels, this, is the Messiah."

The seraphim showed the hologram of his proposed Messiah. Some of the female souls that see the whole thing already entranced by his looks. However, some thinks that he's out of his expiration date. Barely, but still.

"This is Ryoji Kaji."Said the Archangel. "The James Bond of japanese government. Handsome, tall, trained in espionage, quiet of a ladies man, skilled in lot of things, and not derangedly screwed like everyone in Shiji's life out there, although there are traces of survivor guilts. But he's ready to become our messiah. Such a revelation won't make him struggle to the point of depression or made him a mad man. He has a strong mind for it. And for the plus point, he really wants the truth."

"Perfect. He's suitable as our Messiah. He won't dissapoint us. Good choice, Lucifer!"

"Thank you, my lord. I already have the scheduled date for when he's going to be raised as our Messiah. But remember, the date can't be changed."

"It's okay, Lucifer. I trust you."

As everybody return to their own business, Michael took a glimpse at Lucifer's face. He can sense a smirk in his face, showing that he has a plan.

Michael then take a look on the date the Messiah is going to be declared as the next prophet.  
Michael then said his favourite word again: "…Shit."

* * *

LET'S HAVE ANOTHER FLASHBACK, MUAHAHAHAHA!

It's been the forty nine loops already. And everything's going exactly just like that aside from some minor alterations, mostly about how, when, and where Kaji dies. SEELE did the second impact, humans become moping after it (Michael was about to take the blame of Shinji's mopiness into the whole world after he take a good look at it, but he realized that even with that justification, Shinji's case is still ridiculous), Shinji, the king of moping is abandoned by his father so he can become the king of moping and made his ridiculous and extremely unlikely to happen plan happen (his genetically altered albino clone of his wife alone made his chance dropped by 80%. When will that idiot realized the possibility that the soul transfer made the girl took a review of her own life and actually learns from her experience?), Shinji gets called to pilot the eva with Rei as the blackmail (I wonder if shinji will do…. that to Rei like he did to Asuka in coma if he's already fucked up to begin with?), Shinji kicks some ass and made some relationship and become happier (and shaken his position as king of moping), and then a truckloads of horrible events happened to cemented his status as king of moping, so much that Michael wonder if the whole crew of his relationship can be called as the kingdom of angst instead. And the messiah is basically useless, either buried alive in his coffin or drowned by tons of water that also crushed him to death. Or in several case, he actually got eaten by God zilla. This God zilla thing, is a smart fella, but it rarely try anything to help the hero. Actually, it never tries. It chose to stay away from the whole atrocities, prefered to spend the last years of his life relaxing on the deep blue sea, knowing those… things can't be called angel. Indeed, after all those fight against MechaZilla, Ghidorah, Mothra and all, it's time for the new warrior to arise and save the world. Or rather, God zilla is pissed those pissant JSSDF soldiers still tried to shoot at him, even after he killed all those pesky monsters and proved that he's on their side. Man, they're so smart, that they still trying to shoot him down years after he's proved to be missile-proof. They made him laugh whenever he remembers those acts of smartassness. If Jet Jaguar was real, he'd laugh too. He decided to say 'fuck it' and declared his unofficial premature retirement. Regarding for how he knows that those angels thing are faker, that's because he has a friend from the angelic side. He is Gabriel, who every month kindly give some good chunk of those strange but delicious alien meat. Man, what a kind fella.

Of course, Michael and God once convinced Gabriel to make God zilla arised and save the day in the battle against Zeruel, which he did with his almighty Pepper Atomic breath, but instead of helped the world, it just made the scenario changed to Gendo set the priority of EVA project into chasing God zilla all over the world to get the S2 organ back, and incidentally gave Kaworu a lax security when he went to become one with Lilith, turned the whole point moot…although somehow more amusing.

They couldn't replace him after all, knowing that the other guys are just too unstable to be raised as the messiah. They tried it once with Gendo in their 33th loop, and the guy somehow declared himself to be a descendand of Ultraman and convinced the whole world that LCL is the next step to humanity, and yes, even his son bought the whole thing.

And they say that I weird…

Also, the whole fiasco created three unofficial factions in the angelic world. The first faction claimed that God just created the ultimate tragic story about tortured souls in the real world that was filled with pains and betrayal, so much that humanity decided to create the paradise for themselves at the end. The second faction claimed that the whole story's garbage and contradicted the whole purpose of God and angels being the lovely deities and all, and the fact that the supposed angels are actually failed wild aliens made the implications looks even worse. The third faction said that the story's good, but not the best from the God , and they couldn't care less about it. After all, there's still something called bible, right?

Needless to say, God has more and more reasons to resent his new 'art'.

Gabriel himself initially wanted to take the credit for the story of Evangelion as the original script writer. Can't let the old man hold all the glory by himself, after all. The name Evangelion, as they say, came from the fact that the whole fiasco seems very complex… necessarily or unecessarily. But with the rabid fanbase, which is proven by some angels already cosplaying as the EVAs (including the MP EVAs), he decided to stay away from it.

And the analyzing. Oh God , the analyzing. The horror…said Gabriel. Everything about it is analyzed, from the design of the EVA to which girl is better for Shinji, to the point that some make their own theory about the meaning of the symbolism (somehow, one angel made a theory that the whole MP EVA's soul is actually from Jesus), even though God himself already said for about 50 times that he simply get overboard with it. Also, some even wondering if God really knows what he's doing after all, not helping by the fact that some his stuffs are contradictory at best, and repulsive at worst…although they should've know better to never trust fully the 'Official explanation' statements, made by Lucifer and all. Then again, Rei and Kaworu are definitely cute, despite God 's firm belief that they're very creepy.

However, they never talks about it to the mighty lord, feared those lightning bolt that's ready and already thrown away at those heretics that dared to questioned him about the logic, even though it's clear that God himself is simply tired with all this Evangelion bullcrap. But they never rests. Never. Also, as we're speaking now, God 's still replying the fans letter, currently writing "…ei was made from Yui's DNA and 'Lilith' and born in an incurburator. So yes, if Shinji married her and become one with her, he's basically commiting bestiality and incest from both parental and sibling side. Now you know why I called her a creep. No. I don't know why Lilith has those small legs hanging all over her body. Ask Lucifer. He's the one who dealing with all this weird stuffs. And yes, by now, you should've noticed that I'm not the one who made the official explanations."

Yeah. Gabriel's decision to stay away from it is a smart decision, after all. Especially since he wants the secret of that additional dot in that particular scroll keep hidden from anyone else. Especially from him.

"Achoo!"God sneezed. "Why do I feel that if just one thing has been done correctly, all of this lunacy could've been prevented? Now, where was I? Oh…"

God realized that the letter's now filled with salivas and snots.

Damn. I need to wrote the reply all over again."Said God to himself before he applied a lightning bolt to himself.

Of course, God . You can avoid the whole bet to begin with.

* * *

Finally fed up with the constant questioning about the true meaning of the story, bored to hell with the exact scenes happened for 49 times,pissed off at Shinji and Kaji's failure over and over again, God finally admitted that Lucifer put a loophole in their deal (actually, he knew about the loophole abuse since long ago, but he wants to know if the theory that there's 1% chance of Shinji being replaced by someone much more badass from his older catalogue, like David or Moses, via a very complicated maths from the official explanation that he never made to begin with, is true. "1% of chance for this bullshit is better than Shinji become a man. Somehow, that 10% never works. I wonder why…") and then, God ordered Gabriel and Michael to struck a new deal with Lucifer, knowing that it's the only way they can change everything. They already arranged by the God to meet him at Lucifer's favorite cabaret club.

"Um, God ?"

"Yes, Gabriel?"

"I also made a mistake…"

* * *

"Why did he suddenly shot your ass with lightning bolt, Gabriel?"

"I, uh… I just went to have some talk with our lord. Ow."Said Gabriel, still painting from his sore ass, as he slowly put himself into the seat. Damn, I really shouldn't talk about this dot error to anyone again.

"Some tough talk, eh? What's the topic that caused your ass getting burned, anyway?"

"You don't. Wanna know."Gabriel answered bluntly. He knew that the last page of Michael's note is about to running out of space from all those madness. The last thing he needs is his name to be inducted into that page, which has been reduced on it's function into the most embarassing thing that Michael ever saw and never want to see again.

"Well, I don't want to listen to another lunacy when I watch this favorite scene of Evangelion. It's the only thing we can do while we waiting for him."

"….You liked the elevator scene where Rei and Asuka just standing there for like 5 minutes?"

"Well, it's an acquired taste. Some people loves it because it showed that Asuka is really nuts after all…although I think she's just went into her period. Me, I just like the scene because for some reasons, it made me think that sometimes, the guy who maintained the time space in milky way just doesn't give a fuck anymore."

Gabriel can only stared at Michael, disbelieved at the new stance that Michael took at Eva. It's one thing to called this whole fiasco as misunderstood masterpiece that still showed optimism in the end. It's another thing to called it as pretentious garbage that's far too banal, violent, and cynism to be called as god's creation (well, it was Gabriel's original work, anyway.).

However, it's a whole new thing to hated something so much, someone become entertained by it again by viewed it as an utter failure instead.

Indeed, Michael has been known as the most rabid hater of the whole fiasco, probably because he's so far from Shinji's psyche. Michael is an embodiment of hot-blooded paragon that will fight, even in the direst of all situations. Meanwhile, Shinji is an introverted, tortured soul that can be seen as relatable, realistic, but from other view, he can be described as selfish, pathetic, and cannot went past himself to see the world from other view, while there's exist real life hero that has been thrown all kind of shit on him, and still coming out as an embodiment of optimism.

As for Gabriel himself, well…He's not sure about the stance that he took with the work. Well, let's just say that one of his side disagree with the cynism of the work, while his…more demented side is more forgivable.

"…Well, yeah,"Gabriel replied. "but it made earth looks cheap and- hey, wait! I never noticed this scene!"

Gabriel noticed that Rei never blinked. AT ALL. He said to himself that God finally made her supposedly creepy angel hybrid a real creep. By the time Asuka slapped Rei, Gabriel noticed that Rei's eyes now become reversed in it's colour. The iris now become white, and the sclera now is crimson red. The fuck, said him in his mind. The next important scene, after the scene of Shinji's 50th dream in the angsting train, showed Rei, still in the elevator pulled out her portable tv, watching Asuka as she got her ass kicked by the MP Evangelion. She then pulled a hat that looks like something that only the most ruthless dictator could ever wear. She stared at it, smiled viciously at the sight of Asuka losing the fight, and then she wore the red hat on her head. Gabriel swore that this shit never happened before. Maybe the loop's finally broken…

As Asuka's Evangelion getting eaten by MP evangelion whose ugly lips that Ramiel's worst makeup work looks…angelic by comparison, Rei screamed in joy, with a strange bagpipe soundtrack playing. The word that she screamed is:  
"YES! YES!"

And the screen went to black, before a pair of texts appear and said:

"April Fools! Get ready for the Rebuild of Evangelion, the reboot in the next loop! "

All the angels at the bar laughing at the ridiculousness of the scene and the fact that the whole crowd has been fooled, even for people who don't understand the reference. Of course, the laughs are preceeded by some of them falling on the floor, or rather, it's their jaw that do the job.

God … he does has a sense of humor after all.

"Man, what the hell is that!"Said Michael, between his laughs.

"M. Bison, bro. Remember that crap animation from pre-second impact?"

"Oh, yeah. Now I do. It's delicious…. Wait a minute, Gabriel. How did they know about the new loop's going to be different? We haven't even do our negotiation yet!"

"I told them."Said someone who they have been waiting for.

"…You told them about this already?"

"Yeah. I already thinking about it, and I want it to end. It's a good show, but like they say, it's not what we and our lord presented. Happyness, Hope, Development…none of that exist in the loop. Also, I'm feeling guilty for Kaji. I feel like I used him just to get my vacation time."

"Well, you already used him for like 49 times already. Of course you're going to feeling guilty."Said Gabriel deadpanned.

"Heh. Yeah. I think even a devil will feel guilty from it."

"So…we already struck the deal, then?"

"Well, kinda. I still need my time to relax, man, and this loophole gave me that reasons to be. So, with the loophole gone…"

"Ah, an exchange."Said Michael. "You want an exchange to agree for this deal, right? We just need to give you some more time to rest, and you will struck the deal."

"You know what I want already, Mike."

"Okay, now we know what you want, we'll just talk about when you get those vacation time. Let's see… How about Monday and Friday every two weeks?"

"Not every week?"

"We can't. You need to immerse in all circle after all."

"Fine. But with Sunday."

"Once a month….for the Sunday."

"Peh. Fine. But, um…can you guys get angie scheduled with me on those Sundays visit?"

"I'll see what we can do."Said Michael with confidence. He wonders about when Angie's going to returns his feeling too. The teasing is already too long.

"Thanks, man!"

"You welcome, Luce."

They were about to leave the bar, only to be crowded by a combination of angry and happy mob who listened to the whole thing. The happy mob happy that Shinji and friends will get the ending that they deserved, while the angry mob wants the ending ended by Shinji finding his own happyness without any helps from the heaven instead. It took the voice of their own lord to calmed the whole thing down. As the crowd leave them alone, Michael returns back to the cabaret. He said that he needs a freaking drink. This time, he'll order orange juice. LOTS OF ORANGE JUICE.

* * *

Kaji's confused. He didn't know if he needs to feel happy for being chosen as the prophet of the God , or disturbed by the fact that God is exist, and he's bonker. An old school, trigger happy, bonker God that did give mortals a divine retribution via an electric shock whenever said human pissed him off. Man, he's weird, said Kaji to himself.

He then decided to stop crying himself to sleep and just get to sleep. Normally. He tried to sleep like Shinji, but then he realized that Shinji is always looks so sleepy in the morning, so crying yourself to sleep maybe is not the best for someone like Kaji who needs the best sleep available after that…shocking revelation.

And the mighty voice raise just when he drifted away into his dream.

"Kaji."

"HOLY FUCK!"Kaji screamed. What else he can do when someone's head sneaking into his room and suddenly awaken him?

"Shhht! How many times I've told you about potty mouth?"

"How many times do I have to tell you to turn your voice down, my lord?"rebuttal Kaji. Indeed, the god somehow don't know on how to turned his voice down.

"Oh. So that's the problem. Well, sorry, Kaji. I just want to make my points taken accordingly."

"It's okay, my lord. I forgive you."Said Kaji, carefully trying to not lowered his God's self esteem again. Of course, young Kaji's even blunter and more arrogant than his 30 years old self, so the sight of the god bowing to him is definitely a delicate thing.

"Is this low enough?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then… Hey, wait a minute. You also screamed."The God objected.

"Well, it's your fault initially, since you scared me out."Kaji explained to him the situation. He didn't realized that God sounds like a doofus when he screamed. Hell, he sounds like a kid there for a while. Out of all the insanity around him, it was God's childishness that passed his radar.

"Oh, fine then."Said the God submissively. Kaji's confused at the behavior of this God he just served for one day. Then, he shivered at the thought that the new lord that he served now is somehow related to Ayanami Rei that turned into a giant at the end of the time. Where else did you find a God that's not just forgiving, but actually the one who said sorry to his servant? But then again, he looks like still able to communicate normally, so maybe he's just being polite to the newest prophet after 2000 years or so.

"So, why are you here, anyway?"

"I have a good news for you."

"Good news? You're going to give me power like Jesus?"Said Kaji excitedly.

"No, Lucifer wants the deal to be still fair for him, so no new power, sorry."

"So, what's the good news, then?"

"We bought you a lottery."

"….That's all?"Kaji become more confused and disappointed by the lacks of everything holy given by his lord. Then again, he plays with the rule of the evil Satan. Maybe he should wait when Satan give his offer somewhat?

"Yeah. Although it's guaranteed to win the biggest prize, which is about 50 million dollars. I have the copy of the announcement, by the way."

"Show me then."50 millions dollar. What kind of of lottery that offer this kind of money?

A newspaper materialized on his hand, and Kaji read the announcement in the front page.

50 million dollars indeed! Kaji gulped at the mention of mone that much. With all those money, he can do anything he wants. Cars, house, bitches...and happiness. Yeah. Happiness.

"Um, Kaji, it's not for your personal use."

"…Hmm, ah, sorry. Yes, I know, my lord. I don't win it anyway. The winner is not me, but Touji Ryaji-hey, wait a minute…"

"Oh, I forgot. For your own life, um, I mean safety, for less bluntly statement, I've ordered one of my angel to take car of your money in that world, with that name. You still need to operate as the double agent, after all."

"Shouldn't you make my fake name less obvious if you want to protect me, after all?"

"Have you considered the fact that the name's so suspiciously close to you, they won't take it too seriously?"

"…Wow. I never thought of it. Thanks, my lord. I'll write it as a point to note in my spy stuffs for later."

"Ah, the note. It reminds me of Michael. He was so earned to learn everything, so I'm confused that for some reasons, he's the one that hates the whole Evangelion thing. Even Gabriel think it's actually good."

"Um, god, I'm not in the mood to get into some nostalgia trip right now. Especially since I'm still not sure about the Godzilla thing. Did he really exist, and somehow killed Zeruel and ate the S2 organ? Also, I swear that he somehow eaten Gendo alive when he tried to scrubs Godzilla's…manure into EVA 01. "

"Ah, I think your memory is still rather…fuzzy. So, anyway, the purpose of this lottery, my good man, is so you can build your business and secretly making protection bases all over Japan to protect Ayanami Rei, Langley Sohryu Asuka, and Ikari Shinji. And if you get lucky, you might be able to keep it all after the problem solved!"

"Well, that sounds better now. And thanks for letting me to keep those money. Although I still want some divine power. The active one in that."

"…Huhhh. You human never satisfied with anything."

"I can agree with that. Wait, thinking about purpose, you haven't even explained to me about the root of the problem to begin with."

"Like I said before, you can't handle the truth. Once again, sorry, my prophet."

"Oh, God, you don't need to apologize again and again. How can I take you as a mighty being when you keep apologizing to your messenger? And how about become more open to your prophet here? How can I do my job when I barely know what's going on around here? Did you think- "

"Should I use my thunder to make my point clear instead, Kaji?"The tone of his voice suddenly changed. Much more menacing one in that.

"No. No. No, my lord."Said Kaji, scared at the sight of that bolt. However, it's not it too long for him to get scared before his blunt personality bounced back again. "Jeez. I asked you to stop acting so submissively for a god, and suddenly you become so defensive like Asuka."

"Well, it's just my way, Kaji. When I just created the angels, I …got bored. So, somehow, I said to myself that I need to do a change to make everything less…monoton. So, I decided to become less almighty and more amicable. It makes me into what I am now. But my judgemental side's still exist. Just more subdued."

"…I think amicable is still a strong word to use here. Wait, no. Actually, you went too far in that direction instead."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I'm sorry to say it rather bluntly, but so far, the impression that I got from you, you're rather…unreliable for a mighty god. And you look far too…excitable for someone that created the whole world to begin with."

"….I don't know what you're talking about."That was God's answer, with Gendo's pose and all

Kaji facepalmed on God's impression on Gendo and Keele. Is his new god's really that pathetic? Not like that Kaji was a religious man before, anyhow, so any comparison from him will be moot at all.

Knowing that there's an important topic on his decided to forget the whole thing and continued his talk.

"Well, at least explains to me the whole ordeal!"

"Okay, fine. I'll summon Gabriel to explain the whole thing to you."God then moved his arm, created a metatron to materialize the angel Gabriel to Kaji.

"Kaji. I'm Gabriel. Now, you'll learn the truth about the real events behind Second and Third Impact. Please, prepare yourself."Said Gabriel.

Kaji was awed by the majestic being, the archangel Gabriel himself. The sight of Gabriel alone is more than enough to make him shiver right to the bone. It was majestic. It was beautiful.

It was frightening. It was inhuman. It was going to tear apart his soul.

His body can only barely held the sensation. His mind's about to lose itself to the out worldly sensation.

I...I can't do it. It's too out worldly to be handled by human being. Please, stop this. Gabriel, I can't do it. I'm weak. I'm too weak. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry, my lord. I'm sorry Misato. I'm sorry Asuka I'm sorry…

Shinji?

Suddenly, Kaji saw the vision of Shinji's suffering. From the beginning of his life to the death of Asuka, and then his transcend into madness as he and EVA-01 become one with Lilith. It was horrifying. It was more traumatizing than anything he ever experienced. And then, Kaji was reminded about the fact that he's the chosen one, and he's the one that will stop all those suffering.

No. I can. I must do it. I must do it for everyone. For Misato. For Ritsuko. For Rei. For Asuka. For Shinji…

Fine. Take me to your place, Gabriel.

TRIIIIIIIIIING

After he conditioned himself to receive any prophecy that's about to be printed on his mind by Gabriel, Kaji found that the majestic feeling from Gabriel has been turned into peaceful aura, and his fear is turned into soothing breeze.

"Good work, Kaji. You managed to become one with my physical being. Don't worry. Your next experience with me and other angels will be much easier than this. Now, are you ready, Kaji?"

"Yes. I'm ready."

"In the year of 2001, after the second impact, Lucifer, or now known as Satan, decided that it's the perfect time to wage the war against heaven. World just lost their hope. It was the time when angels and God were at their weakest by the loss of hope from humanity. God got so weak that he can barely do anything to stop them."

"So that's why God's earlier help is so useless-woah!"

The scenery, which were blank aside from Gabriel and Kaji, now changed into the scenery of the war between hell and heaven.

"Yes, Kaji. Your previous experience as the chosen prophet, were nothing but desperate attempt from the weak, blinded god. And then, the war against the heaven, began. It was a vicious war. None were taken as a prisoner. None that got injured were spared from death. The order from both side was ruthless, but clear: Kill, or be killed."

"The battle could be called as stalemate. Neither side were stronger or weaker than the other. But Hell has a secret weapon that will helped them. They just need to wait."

"The dead sea scrolls."Kaji mumbled.

"Correct, Kaji. The premonition from the dead sea scrolls, which told about the arrival of the angels, are actually prophecies for the release of the fifteen fallen angels, cursed away from their angelic form for the grave sins that they committed. As Lucifer released them, they begun to attack the earth, just like what the premonition said. Slowly, the scarcest form of hope that still exist from the earth…gone, replaced by despair, empowered hell while weakened heaven on the same time."

"The heaven began to lose under pressure and lacks of faith, losing in the war, over and over again. At the end, it was only Gabriel, me, that's left to fight the rest of the hell's force. I managed to killed lots of them, but in the end, they're too much for me."Said Gabriel, as a scene where Lucifer stabbed his heart played. Lucifer's sadistic look when he twisted the blade didn't help to make the look of the situation better at all.

"The victory, however, was still not on their hand, as Michael, the commander of all Angels, was still not there, punished for his lacks of proper judgment toward one angel: Tabris."

"Tabris? You mean, Kaworu? "

"Yes. Kaworu. He was wrongly accused by Michael as a traitor of heaven in an attempt to usurp the throne, punished to spend eternity in human form, together with the other fallen angels. God, who later found the real traitor, punished Michael for his impatience and lacks of proper judgment by locked him into Purgatory, the first ring of hell, stripped off his power until Tabris forgiven him. But the experience from the coldness of Michael, the strongest angel in heaven, has left Tabris incapable of feeling love toward living souls, making him unable to forgive Michael from his mistake, since he didn't understand why he hated him to begin with. Until Shinji came to his life."

"Shinji? You mean, Shinji indirectly saved Michael? "

"Yes. Shinji reminded Tabris, or Kaworu about how it is to not only capable of loving natural beauty and human's culture, but also how to love an individual. He finally realized that the reason for why he loves humanity is not because of their culture, but because he loves everything about them. When he sacrificed himself to save humanity, Tabris wasn't just forgave Shinji. He also forgave Michael from his mistake before."

Kaji's now mesmerized by Gabriel's tale. It was an epic story. It was a tragic one, too, to see God, the creator of everything, powerless to stop all the chaos that his creation created. It was also beautifully presented by the power of Gabriel. Hell's gonna break loose once he knew that it was all a big lie.

"As soon as the hell army went to search for Michael in the Purgatory, Michael gave everything he can to pay for his mistake before, killing as much as he can. At the end of the battle, Michael already lost all of his wing, losing one of his arm, and bled out profusely. But he only needs to kill one more man to stop all of this. It was his arch enemy."

"Lucifer."

"Yes. Lucifer."

"Lucifer and Michael now stand one against one. It was only between both of them, the strongest from respective side, sworn enemies since Michael kicked out Lucifer from heaven. For the glory of light and hope, or for the glory of darkness and despair, that they stand for. Then, they began to run, lunging against each other. It's now or never. Just before they managed to strike their opponent… time stopped. The instrumentality, has just begun."

"My god! Third Impact isn't just caused the instrumentality. It's also the judgment day for everyone."

"No, Kaji. It was worse. With instrumentality, there's no absolution. There's no absolver. There's no one that can be absolved. There's no judgment. There's no judge. There's no one that can be judged. There's no god. Time, outside of LCL, become a moot point."

"…How?"

"With humanity gone, and a new godlike being born, there's no use for the angel. And there's no use for the old god, for that there's no more of his servant, no more of his follower, no more of his creation. They were going to be left just like that, frozen for eternity. Angels were extinct. God, was dead. The only thing that deserves to live now, is the aimless LCL that served to disillusion the whole humanity. Until…"

"Shinji rejected the instrumentality."

"Yes. Shinji rejected the instrumentality, the third impact. With Shinji rejected the instrumentality, hope that was banished entirely, now exists again. The dead God, returned back to live. But he saw that Shinji's still suffering after instrumentality. His heart, was still broken. Everyone who chose to be revived, now wandering aimlessly all over the world, didn't know what to do, and slowly going insane. And then, not wanting humanity to be left in such cruel condition, with the only power that left in his body, God sacrificed himself, rewind time into the date when Second Impact was just happened, and the memory of the pointless war, is now left intact into the mind of Michael and Lucifer, and his order to make you the prophet, was given to me. But unfortunately, God, our lord, was still too weak. It took fifty loops before both Lucifer and Michael fully realized the meaning behind their scattered memory from the previous loop. And as the god now sacrificed himself, and frozen in time, no one really know what's actually going on at that time. All they know, is God's dead, and someone's responsible for it."

"Did something ever changed because of it?"

"Perhaps. But we never know. But the events in order, somehow stayed the same. Perhaps because we're foolish. Perhaps because we're refused to change."

"And after they realized the meaning behind it…"

"Lucifer called for a truce, joining force to support God, concentrated himself and fellow angels to give him the power that was needed to do more than before. And now, you're here, Ryoji Kaji. You'll going to help the humanity to survive from this situation. You're the salvation for this world. You're the new hope for this world. And you must succeed, at all cost."

Now, Kaji wasn't just ready to stop the destruction of the world. He's determined to do it. Gabriel's words, and the events that he just showed, just gave him the performance boost that was needed.

Behind the scene, the whole angels began to singing praises for Gabriel. Not only his story's very engaging but interesting, he also managed to seamlessly conjoined two different story and making sense of all of them. And he did it with such a short time, too.

Unfortunately, Lucifer had to be a party pooper here.

"Ahaha. Man, he's so gullible! 15 fallen angels, lost of hope from humanity crap, Michael and I being sworn enemy, Tardis's sacrifice freed Michael's. And he believed every word of it! HAHAHAHA!"

Well, at least Michael the other angels has some dignity to just smile at the whole thing. After all, all of it happened because of stupid decisions from some high powers in heaven. Still, he needs to be reminded about something, and who else but his best friend?

"Come on, Luce. You were the one that's responsible for all of this crazy thing that happened on earth. If anything, it was you that should be the most shameful one."

Some angels laughing at him, remembered the day when he carelessly trashed the seed of life. It made Lucifer got embarrassed. Luckily, this Lucifer's not your usual Lucifer. He realized his mistake and decided to retain his dignity back by staying silent for unnecessary action.

"Sorry, man. Thanks for reminded me."

"No problem.

"But still. Damn. Gabriel really know on how to sell a story."

"Yeah. He's good. Very good. It's no wonder that he's the messenger of god."

* * *

"So…you're departing, now?"

"Yes. But our lord is still need to speak with you."

"Ah, I see. Thanks for the explanation. Gabriel."

"Anytime, Kaji. Anytime."

"Ah, wait!"

"What is it?"

"If you were the one who revived me, then why don't you summoned me on Tokyo-3 or anywhere else?"

"Um, because, I, uh…weak! Yes, the darkness and injuries must be took a toll on me at that time."

"Ah, I see. Still, I want to know about the whole Godzilla thing. Who summoned him on Geofront and all? I want to thank him a lot for it. Now I'm sure about it, I want to say that the sight of Gendo rubbing Godzilla's…manure to EVA 01 to get a part of the S2 organ is very amusing. If Asuka was here and remembered about it, she'd laugh, too. So, can you tell me about it?"

Gabriel suddenly leaved Kaji, and soon, the voice of the god, returned. At that time, Kaji's still wondering at the sudden loss of Gabriel's grace.

"Kaji. There's a gift from Lucifer."

"A gift? From Lucifer?"

"Yes. Something that will help you on your way. Let's take a look at it. Don't worry. I think we can trust him…for now."

Kaji was initially reluctant to use the gift of the king of darkness himself. But god himself already trusted him, so perhaps it's a good move to take it, after all.

Nah. There's still something to talk about before the whole shit hit the fan.

"Well…"

"What?"

"May I speak with my own brand blunt honesty again, to lose some… steam? I'm nervous over this gift thing. I mean, I still cannot trust a devil that want to take over the whole heaven before the time being."

"Okay, then. You may proceed."

"God… I'm gonna be honest. Gabriel's a much better speaker than you."

"….."

"And he also know when to act seriously and looks holy and all. Meanwhile, you made a fool out of yourself from time to time."

"..."

"Also, Gabriel knows on how to make him looks larger than life, if I don't know that you're the god himself, I would assume that you're my boring soon to be father in law that trying too hard to be polite to his soon-to-be son in law."

"…I'm preparing my largest bolt as you talk now, Kaji."

"Hey, I'm about to go on the good stuff for you."

"Oh."

"But in the end, you're still a forgiving, all loving God. Even with humanity's still have a future after the instrumentality, you don't want them to suffer for a long time before its finally habitable again. And you sacrificed yourself so not only humanity's saved, but the angels can learn from their mistake. You have some weird, indirect way to tell your message to people."

"Well, thanks. I think now we know each other way, so-"When he's about to respond to him, God stopped himself after a new script for his new talk suddenly materialized at him.

"If only Lucifer can learn from it…"

"Huh. He still wanted to take over heaven, right?"

"Yes, he does. When we talk about this thing, he said that he actually learned something else. He said that he now will take it over without, and he now knows how to do it."

"The gift."

"Yes. I don't know what he wants, or what he wants to offer, so…so, embrace yourself."

"Can't you do your omnipotence thing for a while?"

"Can't. I already promised to him that it will be private."

"Huh…You're so obedience, God."

"I'm just keeping my promise."

"Fine."

 _Meanwhile, on the heaven._

"Gabriel…is it really wise to change the script?"Asks one of the lesser

"Of course. What's the purpose of having Satan if he didn't do anything in the whole scenario?"

"But I thought he will make it after five loops or so! I thought it's perfect to have Satan said 'You have suffered too much. And I need to repent for my sins. Let's go.' "

"And what will give you that he will still stay sane, not nutty, stay strong after going through all of this?"

"Look at him. You can see that the experience from him has already changed him for the better. What's making you think that everything's going for the worse for him in the next loop instead?"

"Guilt."Michael answered. "If he did it once or twice, he'll get himself motivated to never fail again. But three times, four times, and so on? He'll get nothing but despairs. He will thought that everything he does, is worthless."

"Besides, he needs some more power, right?"Said Lucifer, who just changed into his Satan form. "And since he was a non-believer and a cynics before, the amount of power that we can give to him is very limited. And with him talking to me…then I can fix it."

"Oh. I see. I forgot that humanity already suffered enough. Sorry, my archangel."

"It's okay. Now, everything's just settled down, now…. Well, we can only hope that you're very good in improvising, Luce."

"Oh, don't worry, Mike. I'm a natural one at that."

* * *

Kaji's now on his way to meet Lucifer. The experience's the same as before, only now he's more prepared as well as had experienced the whole thing.

Only it was much more…dark. As expected from the ruler of hell, after all.

"Welcome…human."

Human. Not calling by name. Heh. This kind of hospitality has been expected from something like Prince of Darkness himself.

"So, you're the devil himself."

"Yes. And I have several gift…and an offer for you, mortal."

"Let me guess. The offer is something that will give me something, in exchange for a change of power in heaven, right?"

"That is correct."

"Would you be upset, if I told the lord himself about it, so he can do something about you, hmm? Because I don't have any intention to turn my back against Him. Not after what he showed and told me about it."

"I don't think so, mortal. Hehe. We, God and I, already made a deal after all. And why do you think that by having a good faith to God himself will make you rejected my offer immediately? I know an offer that you cannot refuse."

"An offer that I can't refuse?"

"Indeed. But um... let's talk about your gifts, first. I don't want to start our conversation with a distrust, after all, mortal."

A gift. Maybe a two or three. But what is it?

"Embrace yourself."

The scenery, which was nothingness at first, is now changed into a scene where Rei and Shinji has a nice philosophy talk in a train.

Of course, by Evangelion standard, nice philosophy is something that will be far from nice in normal reality. In short, that talk is depressing… and confusing.

Shinji? Rei?

"Why don't you try to understand him?"

"I SAID I DID!"Scream Shinji, clutched his hands to the side of his head in a futile attempt to stop himself from hearing Rei's scratching words.

"So, you're running away from the truth, from the unpleasantness?"

"Why not? What's wrong with running away from the unpleasantness? What's wrong with running away from the truth if it SUCKS?!"

Kaji, standing between both of them. He tried to speak with them, but his attempts were futile. After he took a glance at the window, he realized that there's no reflection from him. Needless to say, he was, well…confused.

"This is Shinji's mind. You're not supposed to be here."

Who…who's there?

"It hurts…it really hurts…"

Kaji changed his focus into Shinji. His arms were covered by fungus-like which resemble Rei's face. He then turned his head back into where Rei was. Now, she was covered with veins.

"Ryoji Kaji…you're not supposed to be here."

SHOW YOURSELF!

"Ka…kaji?"

He can see me now? But how-

Kaji then glanced at the window. There was his reflection.

There was Rei. Standing up against him.

"You're not supposed to be here, Mr. Kaji."

The voice. It came from the right side of me.

Gendo Ikari?

"Kaji…"

That voice. It came from the left side of me.

…Misato?

"You're not supposed to be here."

"You're not supposed to be here. This is Shinji's mind."

"Kaji…"

"Kaji, is that you?"

Four sentences. Played all over him like two pairs of stereo. The veins from Rei's body spread out and confused him. The fungus from Shinji's body also spread out, filled him with guilt. The words from the four individuals slowly filled the remaining emptiness on him, filled him with…

The will to find the truth? Why do I want to find the truth?

I want the truth.

"SHOW ME THE TRUTH!"

He felt that he just poked something. And the object that he poked, suddenly got stabbed. Violently. He can feel the blood, now stained him.

…Blood?

Kaji's right hand held a spear now. It went through Gendo's head.

…What?

He decided to take a glance at Shinji again. He decided to lock his head on his new position.

Shinji's face is now filled with smile. A demented smile. The fungus's faces are now a mixed of Misato's and Rei's faces.

"Kaji. I need you. We need you!"

Someone tapped him from behind. It was kid Asuka. Helding her doll. She was stuttering to get the words came out of her mouth. But at the end, she was no longer hesitated.

"I need you too!"

* * *

Kaji just returned back into his conversation with Satan. Nothing creepy happened to him again. Well, he's still in a train. Just without the previous figures talking about philosophies and other stuffs that creped him out of his mind.

"So…"

"I'll guess that you want to ask what the meaning of all of this, right is?"

"…..Yes."

"Well, to start first, let's ignore all those symbolism bullshit for now and cut it right to the point."Said Lucifer. He knew that Michael will love it. Meanwhile, Kaji's face looks like he's annoyed that he just wasted some time. "Well…. It's all to get you more morally invested in the whole conflicts. To more implanted your mind. And in short, you were just baptized by the sins of those five."

"Baptized by the sins of those five?"

"Indeed. What I want to tell to you, is you need to do this due to your lack of faith before in your life. You're not the believer. You're one of the worshipper of the sun. And not even a good one at that."

"…Are you trying to mock me?"

"Yes."Kaji just tasted his own bluntness. It wasn't nice.

"So, the only way to improve your worthiness of being the prophet, is to awaken the memories of those who were important in your life. And about the power itself, well…it's your ability to turn invincible."

Invincibility.

"….That's all? You mindfucked me with nonsensical philosophy and surreal horror, all so I could turn invisible?"

"It appears that you have a rather low patience, mortal. I must say that I am disappointed with you."

Somehow, Kaji's amused that he was referred by the devil himself as acting like Asuka. He was glad that Asuka's on the trip with her class so she wouldn't need to witness himself nearly torn apart by Gabriel's raw power and forced to saw the devil himself. She would be far more traumatized than she already was with this. Yeah. Somehow, the devil's spat made his heart felt an easiness.

"First of all, your invisibility is more than just turned yourself invisible. Take a look at your right hand."

Kaji did what Satan ordered.

Kaji gasped. His right hand's now held the Spear of Longinus.

"Spear of Longinus? I can summon a miniature of the Spear of Longinus"

"Well, actually, this's just one way to show your power, but basically, you can make an object disappears from everyone else's eyes but yours. Simply put, your own hand's now also functioned as your personal pocket dimension. This pocket dimension can store up to five medium sized weapons, such as sword, assault rifle, and yeah, even rocket launcher."

An invisibility power, and a personal pocket dimension. Hmm. Those ladies will be up to something…good with me. Maybe a surprise dinner, with 'magic' candles and caviar and all. Oh yeah, Misato's going to like it…

"Um…Kaji, I'm still here, and I don't approve the usage of God's gift for mundane utilities."

Kaji got startled. Did he just called me by name out of sudden? Why's he concerned about the abuse of the gift itself? And he also sensed the lacks of…arrogance from him for a while.

"So, um, mortal…"Lucifer realized his acting's a little bit off that time, prompted him to return to his arrogant role. "We'll get into what's actually going on in that train. That, my mortal, is a personification of the psyche of the childrens."

"The psyche of the childrens?"

"Yes. All guilts, despairs, and rage subdued inside them….the train of thought functioned as a catalyst of their emotions. You've been linked with their memories before. Now, you also gained the experiences from their sorrows as well."

"I see. The train of thought's function is to give me another link into their psyche. Since I was not a believer, I can't get a direct approval from the God himself. I need to get my power by who I want to protect, and what I want to get."

"You're a quick learner, Mortal. Let's get into the second gift….before our unrefusable deal that is."

The deal. I forgot about it. Kaji sighed. He knew that the Prince of Darkness has thought about it for so long, and it's not going to be…pretty.

Lucifer then pulled three souls. Three very tormented souls. Their aura were very bleak. If there were flowers on the other side of the fence, they would've rotten away immediately. They're pleading for help. Pleading to be free.

To say that Kaji's frightened by the souls themselves should be an understatement. Despite being lesser creatures than the archangel and Lord of Darkness himself, these souls were harming his psyche more considerably than both of them. It's because the souls themselves were pure of 'everything that's not nice'. Evilness. Greed. Lusts. Hunger for taste of blood. Delusions. Pain. Restlessness.

But what's made them so harmful is because of the strong sense of attachment from them that's growing into him. While Gabriel and Lucifer's presence were very powerful, they never asked anything from him but compliance. These souls, however, want everything from him. They wanted to drag him to join them in death. They wanted to make him suffer as they did. They wanted him…to set them free?

Luckily, Lucifer decided to not being a dick and immediately shoved the souls back into the place where they were belong before.

"What…what happened to them?"

"I forced them to return to where they belong: Nothingness."

"Nothingness?"

"Yes. As you can feel, these people not only committed big sins while they were alive? They clinged themselves into this world too far, they wanted to make themselves into the god so they cannot die. The scariest part about it? They actually come close to become it. And when the truth strike, when the real God make his move…they didn't take it well. Their own presence could torn apart the other souls due to combination of their sins and the power they amassed in their life. They cannot belong to anywhere in afterlife but their own space of nothingness."

"But… I also sensed the will to become free. Why they cannot enter the hell or heaven if they realized what they wanted?"

"Deep down, they want to become free. But their shells are still the same. The shell of a fallen physical god. Their sins are too strong to be penetrated by their own will. The will to become god…is the ultimate path to destruction."

Kaji shuddered at the last sentence. Brrrr. Is this what will happen to Gendo and Keel once they died?

"So, what I want you to do, is to give them their final rest. You'll carry their souls into the world, by your pocket dimension, and then used them and sacrificed them in place of the other's body."

"Which one?"Kaji asked. It's a rhetorical question, of course.

"That's depend on you. You can… use one to cover your own death. You can use one to cover Tabris's death. Or you can use all of them to cover for Shinji or Rei or anyone else to avoid suspicions when you've abducted them for your purpose."

"I see. There's so much possibility."Kaji began to understood

"Which's including the current loop too. I advise you to avoid all thing that will make suspicions arise. That means you need to take a careful approach in all thing that will make the current loop…different. You can't really make a benefit of knowing the exact events that will happen if you changed some of it, can you?"

Indeed, said Kaji in his mind. He cannot mess the events in fear of all things will become too different and become out of control. But this means, until the safe point where he can make his move…everything that made Asuka, Shinji, Misato and the other suffers, will happen to them, too. He really needs to plan everything in advance.

I'm sorry, everyone. But it looks like you all have to wait to realize that you still have a bright future…

"All right. I know what I have to do. The first soul, will replace Toji Suzuhara in EVA-03's rampage. The second, will save mine in my assassination. And the third soul will replace Tabris's death."

"Already made your decision? You know that you can still analyzed the situation first."

"I think it's clear by now that they're very important to avoid….especially if we want to make it as if Gendo and SEELE's scenario are still played just like what they planned."

"I can see for Kaworu and you, but what do you see in Toji? He wasn't an important character, and he didn't even die in the fight."

"Yes, but he's one of those major factor that caused Shinji to snap slowly, right? And if he didn't die like Toji, we can use his soul for different purpose, too."

"Ah, you're right. Well, now it's all settled down, let's talk about the…offer."

Kaji's time is suddenly stopped. Literally. He now see a scene where the rejection of the third impact has different consequences.

The first scene has the consequences he knew already. Earth's left with two child and a lake of LCL. The second scene, however, had the earth recovered from the impact, and had the damages caused by Second Impact erased as well, such as the seasons. Now, autumn has finally arrived to Japan, after 15 years of being denied by the catastrophe.

"Wha…what is this?"

"It's an alternate reality, where several key differences has allowed a different ending for the after-effect of Third Impact. In the alternate reality, Ayanami has gained more power than she had in the original timeline, and had more affection with Shinji. When Shinji rejected the Third Impact, she's also capable of fixed the earth by healing dusts that generated from the body of fully grown Lilith."

"Is it ever happened?"

"No. But you can make it true."

"…Are you always talking in cryptic?"

"Well, mortal, it's always at my amusement to see a lost, confused soul. And regarding the actual meaning of the scene, what I offer to you, is a second chance. A second chance to fix everything that's wrong. But when you take my offer, you also agreed to the clause."

"What clause?"

"That I would take over the authority of the afterlife itself."

"…Satan, I don't know for why you never learn from your mistake."

"No. No,nono. Ryoji Kaji, you mistaken me. I learn. I do. What I learn, is that bloody vengeance made of the act of killing and maiming, is stupid and unnecessary. What I learn, is I need to take the power without any conflict, and I see that now, I have the best chance to do it."

"I won't do it."Said Kaji pride fully and straight to the point.

"Oh… do you? I see the determination from your eyes to keep your promise, but as I said, my offer is something that you cannot refuse. If we talk logically, then you at least would not rejected it, right? Think about it, human. You have a very difficult job to do, and once you did something different in the loop, you'll have to find out what will happen next by yourself. No one can predict it. No one."

Kaji couldn't do nothing but agreed to what Satan said. Indeed. No one know what fate had in their path.

"I'll wait, Kaji."Said Satan. "I'll wait for when it's inevitable for you."

With those words, Satan's now leaves Kaji on his own.

* * *

"So, Kaji…"

"Oh. It's you, God."

Indeed. The god, once again appear in front of Kaji. Kaji then explained the offer from Satan.

"Yes. I know that Lucifer had those trick in his hand."

"Then why are you let him away with that?"

"Because, Kaji…it's not wise to picking up enemies at the time like this. We need allies from anywhere…including former enemies."

"But God-"

"Lucifer also wouldn't do anything 'suspicious' from now on. He wouldn't try to make another fight, let alone war in this situation. It's all in your hand now, to determine his success from now."

"…It is wise, in case that I used his offer?"

"It's selfish, Kaji, but it's not unreasonable. After all, Shinji did something similar before he rejected Instrumentality, right?"

"….Yeah, right."

"Of course, you will be the first prophet to betray your own god."

"Hey!"

"Hahaha. I got you there, ain't I? But seriously, Kaji, I might not bore hatred for you if you chose to accept his offer, but it's still a grave sin. And the other angels and prophets wouldn't say the same thing to you."

"…Huh. Of course, God. It's going to be complicated in case I am forced to face such a predicament."Kaji said those statements while sighed, knowing that his responsibility's growing bigger and bigger. If only Misato knew about it, she may saw him as matured already…

"All I have to say, Kaji, is that you need to choose the path by yourself. It's not my authority to force it on you, and it's not Lucifer either."

"Heh. You talk to me as if I'm still a kid."

"I always considered humans and angels as if they are my own. Now, Kaji…it's time for me to go."

With that, God leave Kaji to have some words with himself.

* * *

"So…how's my performance, Gabe?"Asks Lucifer.

"Well, aside from some slip ups, it's very good."

"Thanks."

"But..is it true about the changing hand of authority here?"

"Well, I don't think he will take it that literally. I mean…"

"What?"

"He's not that obsessed in keeping his promises, ain't he?"

"I hope so."

"….You know. I want to find out when I will have a story when I redeemed myself."

"You need to froze the hell itself to make it happen."

"But the tenth circle is already a frozen hell!"

"…."

* * *

Kaji just decided to throw away all his problem temporarily. Now, all he wants to do, is using his imagination for his newfound power.

 _Hmm…pocket dimension, and an invisibility. Perhaps I can surprise Misato and Asuka on their birthday and scared Misato once or twice in the dark. Phehe. But wait! I know that new woman who just become my next neighbor, two room before me. Man, she's hot. Perhaps I can set a romantic dinner, with candle, and some surprise, and then…some raunchy night. Wooho!_

At this time, God decided to become a dick. He overheard Kaji's thought, and then delivered a lightning bolt for his dirty thoughts.

"Aw…can a man have a simply privacy?"

"I leave you for a minute, and you already have so many dirty thoughts like these? What're those cream and feathers for, anyway?"

"To get everything on the line. So…fuck off, God."

That line was meant for nothing but crosses the line joke, but it seems that God took itself too…literally. Or he has a very small line, that Kaji crossed it 5 times instead. As Kaji woke up from his attempt to sleep from his…lightning problem, God began to make a storm. .Storm. So large, the sky had to rip itself to give some room for the thing.

"….I'm fucked up, aren't I?"

"YES YOU ARE!"

* * *

"Gendo Ikari! This's not in the scenario!"

Indeed. The sight of the sky ripping itself, with lightning all over the ripped hole…it must be Ramiel.

"We haven't even fight the third and fourth Angel, Ikari. What do you have for explanation for this?"

"I don't see it as something that will changed our scenario, gentleman."

"Don't try to make a fool of yourself, Gendo Ikari! We know when an angel attack, and the blue pattern showed us this fact!"Said SEELE-03

"Are you sure? Because as far as I concern, this so-called blue pattern will only fit into blue pattern of our previous definition. I'm sorry for haven't delivered it to you all yet. It's just barely made three hours ago or so."

"…Previous definition? Do you mean-"

"Yes. There's another extraterrestrial beings out there that's similar, but not the same with the Angel, which has been uncovered by the Dead Sea Scrolls."

"Then what the hell is it doing in our solar system?"

"I don't know myself, Keele. But it seems to be pissed. Just pray that it's not here to have a wrath with us…for our plan to become God."

* * *

Rei Ayanami just learn one bit about human emotion. She was still a very innocent young girl, and her innocence would be something that caused her demise later.

It was fear. Fear that the sky will eat her soul for her role in the instrumentality.

"I…i hope i can remember."

* * *

"Don't tell me…"

"Yes. He's going to use it."

"The probe of the God…"

"The most humiliating thing…of punishment that he ever used."

* * *

"TIIIIICKLE-TICKLE-TICKLE!"

"Ahoho! That tickle! Stop, God! AHAHAHAH! Stop!"

"All right, now we finished the navel part, I'm going to do the cleansing of your underarms…"

"No! STOP! I order you! Stop! Please! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh, you dirty fella, aren't you?"

And so, once again God showed his kindness. The punishment that is called the lightning bolt of mass destruction, has been changed into ticklish storm arrow. Indeed, punishment can come in many different ways…

* * *

It was one hell of a day for Ryoji Kaji.

First, he found out that the world is on a time loop problem, and currently on its fifty oneth loops. Second, he also found out that he has become the messiah of the world, and he needs to use all of his money that secretly given by God in for his own plan that made with the help of God and his servants. And third, he found out that not only God did has a sense of humor, but also a rather playful and…kinky fella.

With all these facts. He then began to think about how he will save everyone around him. It's not going to be easy, but so does every prophets before him.

"Misato…Asuka…Shinji…Rei…Everyone. This time, I'll make you all happy!"

* * *

Join the dark side of the narration, fourth wall jr, and i will complete your training! Join me, and we can rule the fanfiction world! We can bring the order to the quality of fanfiction world as a whole.

I'll never join you, Nahagabisa!

If only you knew the power of the dark side...The audience never told you,what happen to your father!

They told me enough! They told me you killed him.

No. I am your father.

No...no...it can't be true. That's impossible!

Search your feelings and you know that it's true!

NOOOOO! NNNOOOOO!

What a twist!

Shut up, M. Night Shyamalan!

...

Ehm. So, anyway, son...want some cookies?

Umm...maybe?

Join the dark side, then. We have cookies.

Wait a minute, father. You think that i will join the dark side just for the cookies?

It's a desperation attempt, but yes. So...want some?

No!

What a twist!

I said shut up!

Just one bite, please?

Hell no!

Tiny bitsy one?

No means no!

Oh, well. I'll just tell you the other truth. Shyamalan?

Ehm. The script said that you're the half-brother of...Bobobo.

Wait, what?

What a twist!

You too, father?

Bobobo...meet your brother.

Hai, Boxy long lost brother! Let's play monopoly!

Um...okay, my crossdressing long lost brother or sister or...whatever. Wait. Where's the dice?

YOU'RE THE DICE! PUSHPUSHPUSHPUSHPUSHPUSH!

Help MEEEEEEE!

I landed four! And you landed two! You lose! The loser will have a swimming section with Mr. Jaws! Here we come, Mr. Jaws! GYAHAHAHAHA!

Somebody help MEEEEEE!

*The sunset set as Bobobo pushed the son of the fourth wall further into the sea. And so, the fourth wall family once again lost it's potential heir.*

*SniffSniff* They grown up so fast these days...

The family resemblance is so uncanny.

Oh, by the way. Actually, i'm not his father. I just did it so i could end the fanfiction.

...What a twist!

Indeed, Shyamalan. Indeed...

What a twist!

Get out!

Yes, sir.


	2. Regurgiration of Evangelion

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion and related things, including Anno's life and his depression. Also, yes, i still hate Q with all my life.

Allright, Mr. Fourth wall, thank you for working with us again-

Excuse me, sir, but did my son really got eaten by shark?

Nah. He got kidnapped by Bobobo instead, sir. We have dispatched a team to retrieve him safely.

Oh.

Okay, so...let's begin!

Ehm, but first, here's the angel characters list and their personality:

God: Happy-go-lucky Anno. Got annoyed by Eva fans, especially ReiShinji shippers.

Michael: Normal, slightly fiery angel who hates Evangelion for good reasons.

Gabriel: An angel with dual personality, and the writer of events on earth. Responsible for the whole thing inside Dead Sea scrolls and the reason for why Shinji's so wimpy.

Lucifer: An actually good Angel who DEFINITELY responsible for Evangelion's fiasco. Trolled everyone on heaven with his supplements material regarding Evangelion.

* * *

"Allright, guys! Now, the new chronicles of human on earth will be played, which will be called Rebuild of Evangelion, i would like to take some ideas-"

Gabriel had an idea.

That mouth to mouth conversation to get ideas regarding the new Evangelion saga was the best way to go.

Bad move, Gabriel. BAAAD MOOVEE.

Soon, the crowd went on riot between ReiShinji and AsukaShinji shippers, as well as OriginalCharacterShinji shipper and other lesser shippers. Crosses were thrown, cross swords were stabbing each others, holy grenades exploded everywhere. Tired of this bullshit, Gabriel decided to shut them down by the most blatant way possible.

"SHUT UP, OR I WILL MAKE MY GODZILLA ATE YOU ALL!"

With that, everybody shutted their mouth, with the exception of some people murmured about the fact that Gabriel, indeed, owned Godzilla as his pet.

"Ehm. I think it would be wiser for us to write your ideas on paper, and send it into my house. Contest will be hold for two weeks. You all dismissed."

* * *

"Dammit. Is there anyone out there that have any good ideas outside of ShinjiRei, ShinjiAsuka, ShinjiMisato, ShinjiRitsuko, ShinjiMaya, ShinjiHikari and OCShinji's romances? Hell. Anything not romance related."

"Well, we love fluffy stuffs and romance, Gabriel. Also, we are interested in Shinji's...orientation. I mean..."

"Yeah. Damn Gayworu."

"I know. What's making it even worse is he's the only one who could have a romance with Shinji without making it look...weird."

"Oedipus Complex, borderline Incest, Stockholm Syndrome, Pedophilia...is there any way to make a heterosexual relationships with this wimp without making it wrong in so many levels?"

"There's this Hikari girl."

"Toji needs some, though. I like that guy. Also, i find it somewhat strange to make Shinji dates a girl whom first name is nearly the same as his family name."

"Freak coincidence."

"Damn right."

"Looks like batting for the other team is the best way for him, then."

"I'm not into Yaoi."

"Well, there's a reason for OCShinji's stand in, Gabe."

"Yeah, but...it's a low blow for a writer like me to do it, man! I'd rather do the raunchiest ShinjiXSailorXKaworu than that!"

"Well, you have knowledge in these subjects, Gabe, so..."

Suddenly, something snapped on Gabriel.

"I know. I know what i can do. Don't worry. I can handle it from here. Huehehehehe..."

As soon as the personal messenger of god's laugh went into pure psycho, evil laugh, the other angel went out of his room, claimed something about the other errands from God that he forgotten. Although the way he stiffly walked while wobbled in fright suggested that there's another reason for his abrupt departure. By the time he was gone, Gabriel already went too deep into his own writing.

The filthy bastard side of Gabriel just took over the issues.

* * *

 _Before the arrival of 17th Angel..._

"Hmmm...i can make it look cryptic for him, or i will make it as blatant as possible. Hmm...decision... Decision..."

As soon as the coin that Kaji flipped stopped, he knew what he needs to do.

* * *

Shinji was not a happy man. For several reasons.

He was already unhappy before. But he wasn't unhappy because of his angsts now.

He was unhappy because he realized that his life shouldn't suck this much like now.

First, he was told that for reasons unknown, Kaji left Shinji and the others into this deep, depressing quest to mind his own business until very recently.

Second, he already experienced this shit for fifty times. Fucking lazy God. Can't he at least make any variations, like made Asuka his long lost twin brother that went into some kind of operations before they met again? It would be convenient with her bitchyness and all. Even the worst of Tsunderes are nowhere near as abusive as her.

Third, he was an Anti-Christ. In all those loops. He became Anti-Christ for fucking fifty times! How many sins did he piled up from all this bullshits?! He could've took over the hell from Satan at this moment!

Fourth, and most annoyingly, this gayass Angel.

Well, he hadn't did anything dangerous to Shinji's manliness, which is the size of a peanut but still an important thing to him, but this guy kept talking about topics that would only made him popular on the gayest club that known to the man.

And the worst of it? He didn't even knew the implications from all his little chats, which, by the way, called those implications as subtext would be insulting to the real subtext, for it would be way too obvious for it's standard. He only wanted to make Shinji happy. Sincerely. No homo. For real.

"So, Shinji-kun, i heard that caressing your prostate would make you fall into euphoria. Want me to do it for you? I know how to make it...enjoyable."

 _That's it! I'm running away!_

"Where are you going?" Said Kaworu, as Shinji went off his bed. He was snuggled against Shinji's will all the time.

"A straight line in the middle of the street. I really need it after all these talking from you."

"Hmm...a straight line. Oh, i get it! You want some chained bikers to picked you up in a road and gave you happiness in the legendary blue oyster bar, right? Those gay, happy people! I love them! Hmm, sorry, Shinji-kun. But the city is already destroyed when Pilot Ayanami self-destructed Unit-00."

Shinji could do nothing but twitched his eyes. And his body. And his legs. He shuddered at the thought of those leather clad bikers...violated him.

Also, he noticed at how outdated Kaworu's understanding of slangs. Who the hell teached this guy manner and living?

Meanwhile, Keel Lorenz sneezed.

"Oh, i know! I know how to make you happy! You want those clips from TabrisXXX? They're very popular, you know."

Shinji then ran away frantically, screamed something about getting some brain bleach while sticked his index fingers into his ears, leaving the bewildered Kaworu for his own business.

"What's wrong? You don't want the clips of me standing in LCL tube naked? They always made people smiling and drolling. But then again, most people who enjoyed those were girls. But some of those SEELE enjoyed those, too. I thought you would be the same like them. I mean, you do looked like your father. Hmm...maybe there's more than meet the eyes..."

* * *

The whole crowd either were laughing or twitching at the sheer gayness of the scene. The former thought the fact that Gendo and half of SEELE were closet gay is hilarious. The latter thought it was the most vile thing Gabriel ever wrote. Out of all things that could be improved from the very few scenes between Shinji and Kaworu, Gabriel decided to improve the...queer factors to the max. Indeed, he snapped really bad back then.

"Hmm...Shinji's relationship with Kaworu looks less..affectionate. From Shinji's side, at least." Said God with interest.

"Yeah. I know. I based it on the beta version of those scrolls." Said Gabriel while sniffed his tea. It's good to know that at least he could take some references when his..inner Gabriel took over his body.

"Really? How does things happened in the beta version outside of Kaworu and Shinji's interactions?" Asked Michael.

"Well, for the starter, the symbolism were less abundant, Rei's more emotional to everyone, particularly Shinji, Gendo's more fleshed out and even meaner, Unit-01 is truly alive, and at the end, the infrastructures were still working perfectly as it should be after Third Impact. In short, things were less..mindfuckery, and earth is not screwed. Also, there was an emotional scene when Rei said her farewell to Shinji before she broke the Instrumentality."

The whole Angels in the scene could only stared deeply at Gabriel. Indeed, those changes were more...significant than you think.

"That sounds much better than the final version! Why the hell did you changed it?"

"No, Mike. We disagree. The final version is as perfect as it should be." Said Israfaels in unison.

"Perfect? You said the whole thing was perfect? I can barely make sense of it without some official guides! What kind of perfection is that?"

"A true art is something that you need to seek the true meaning of it by yourself, Michael."

"Fuck your true art, then! And stop mimicking the synchronization crap from that fight against your fake! It's getting on my nerve!"

"ENOUGH!"

The sound of God shouting at the top of his lung...and a bolt snapped Michael's ass. Damn his potty mouth.

"Gabriel...let's take a look at the crowd's favorite blue head."

"How about Asuka first, my lord?"

"She's still comatose, dude. It would be boring for us to watch a comatose girl for 10 hours. And i don't think anyone here is demented enough to strangle their chicken. I mean, we need them for our feast!"

"Oh. You're right."

Gabriel snickered, as he was the only guy there who knew the true meaning of 'strangling your chicken'.

* * *

Rei blinked. Then she blinked. And finally, she blinked again.

If you already read the book 'How to read the expression of your personal ice block', then you would know that Ayanami was very surprised.

And she had good reasons to be.

First, she saw Ryoji Kaji, a man who was supposed to already died, standing in front of him, in blood and flesh.

Second, she was chosen as one of his warrior that will help him prevented the Third Impact, which, as we already know, her previous destiny was to initiate it.

Third, she found out that Kaji is a pop culture addicts. And a very annoying one in that.

"You must use the force, Rei. Let your hate to Gendo flow through you."

She blinked again.

"Hmm...there must be some way to initiate the other kind of reaction from you."

Kaji then reached his jean pockets with both his hands, and then, he showed a blue pill in his left hand and a red pill in his right one.

"This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

Rei still only blinked.

"Hmm..maybe she's broken."

Unfortunately, there was no service centre for ice block or clone nearby Tokyo-3. Kaji may could sent Rei into the Dogma chamber, but risked the chance of Gendo just activated Rei IV and shot him again.

"Hmmm...how to fix your ice block, page 27..."

Suddenly, Rei slapped him.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"I'm not a doll." Said Rei sternly.

"...So?"

"I'm also not an ice block."

Kaji then silenced his mouth, tried to make the sense from Rei's logic. Before he managed to, which by the way, would be a huge achievement, Rei spoke again.

"Ice cream. Strawberry flavored." Said her icyly.

"...What?"

"You want the deal. Is that correct?"

"...What deal?"

"About helping each others to get their relationship back. I need some for Pilot Ikari and me. In return, i will help you to get back on track with Major Katsuragi."

"And, the ice cream?"

"My compensation for listening to your bullshit."

 _Woah! Did i just heard Rei cursed? Man, i don't know that she had it in her. Hmm...this might be working..._

"...Deal."

* * *

The crowd were once again splitted. One half laughed at the randomness of the scene. The other half were wondered about what the hell did Gabriel smoked that made him crazy enough to wrote the whole thing.

"Damnit, Gabe. I want some of those that you smoked to wrote these kind of things..."

"Don't ask. Even i barely remember what i was doing..." Gabriel shrugged.

Crickets were invaded the silentness in the room, before God decided to broke it by himself.

"Ehm. Let's see what the original character doing now, shall we?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"That will be appropriate. We need some kind of normalcy here, after all."

* * *

"...Oh crap."

"...And i thought you three Archangel were childish..."

Indeed. The whole crowd were mesmerized by what they saw right now. Well, actually, called them as embarassed Angels would be more appropriate, and even that would be an understatement.

They were looking over two guys, who currently fought over the control over which button should they pushed. In front of them, was a cute 15 years old girl in the tube.

No. She's not Rei or Asuka. Rei and Asuka's hair was not colored red brown.

"Sweet Ayanami!"

"No! Perky Ayanami!"

"Sweet Asuka, then!"

"No! Perky Asuka is better!"

Those guys have fought each others for two hours, all to decide which personality Mana Kirishima would have.

"Listen, big peepy head! Sweet Rei is the most suitable personality for Shinji's new girlfriend! He needs some caring figure after all those things that happened to him, and who's better than Rei who acts sweet, who wants to hugging and comforting him all the time?"

"No, you dummkopf doodoo! Perky Rei is the best for him! They need to come out of their shells after all of these bullshit! And who else is the best to initiate it but a very energetic Rei?"

The angels crowd could did nothing but shaked their heads at the pathetic insults from both adults.

"Perky Rei would be too nonsensical for him! At least sweet Asuka or Tsundere B Asuka will be more tolerable for him!"

"Perky Asuka's better, then! It would be much more plausible to have an energetic Asuka instead!"

"Sweet Rei!"

"Perky Rei!"

"Perky Asuka!"

"...Fool. Your Huntin Season mind trick will never work on me."

"Dammit."

Luckily for those angels, a man, overweight and in his fifties stepped into the childish war zone. Before he even managed to spoke, the two man already kneeled over him repeteadly.

"Oh, Lord Gaben! Please forgive our idiocy at such a trivial matter!"

"...LORD GABEN?"

Lucifer could do nothing but scratched his head. Even he wasn't daring enough to call himself Lord. And this fat lurb demanded them to do it?

"...Gabriel?"

"Yes?"

"You're fucked up, you know that?"

"...Why's everybody looking at me?"

* * *

As soon as Gabriel explained that, no, he didn't commit treachery by the proxy of Gabe Newell, the crowd once again peacefully watched the whole thing inside the Earth right now.

Of course, the whole thing could've been avoided if they just listened to Gaben saying that they can't call him Lord and God for he is not one, but they were too busy chasing Gabriel to the end of the heaven, demanded his head on the spike.

"...Fucking uptight assholes..."

A bolt struck him, leaving a charred remains of Gabriel before he fully healed 5 minutes later.

"...I still want whatever he smokes." Said one of the angel.

Meanwhile, Lord Gaben just chose the personality for the red brown girl:

Perky Asuka.

"YEEEESSS!"

"Why...Why..."

"Because i'm Gaben, that's why...And if you want to be more technical, Rei's definitely going either way, and there's no way our lovely Tsundere's going to be flirty around him, so...i chose the one that will definitely give him more variety."

"But-"

"Remember, soldier. Our mission is to give Shinji happiness. And he is definitely the one who's uncertain with his own future, including which girl he's going to bang. Also, Half-Life 3 confirmed."

With that comment regarding the long anticipated game that was rumored to be only will be released at the date when God decided to begin the rapture, all doubts surrounded the room, was gone.

"ALL HAIL LORD GABEN! ALL HAIL LORD GABEN!"

At this point, Gabriel already went to his dormitory to save his own ass.

* * *

Papaaa!

SONNNN!

I'm scared, Papa! I'm so scared!

It's okay, hush...it's okay...

 _Meanwhile_

GYAAA! Not the End of Evangelion! Not the End of Evangelion!

Sorry, Bobobo. But it's the only way...

NOOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, i'll do it.


End file.
